it's now or never

I just needed to breathe for a moment...
I am more than 24hours awake...i reached home around past 7am - only to take a shower and get my stuffs.
I am officially tired!...wasted! ( and what a timing to bump into someone today...at this miserable state)
I know I have been complaining million times but have not made any decision yet...
It's like I'm crying for the pain but have not even bothered to take some medicines to totally cure it or to just even relieve the pain....
I am not happy...and it's beginning to be one hell.

Is it not okay to give up one fight if it is not worth it?
Is giving up means I am a weakling?...a loser?

I just can't believe that I am stuck in a situation and helpless about it!
I know that it was my choice, in the first place, and should be making an effort to adjust...however, sometimes there are things beyond my control....and if I could only have the powers to mitigate what has been making me insane, I would have done that even the first time it strikes....But I have none.

I'm afraid to wake up one day... shattered, distressed, and destroyed. My confidence and esteem are slowing draining/depleting...i'm afraid i'll wake up one day empty.

Sister Amy said "I guess the best sign from the Lord is that you are no longer happy..."
In our counselling session, she mentioned that it is now my values that will dictate how will I decide...what are my priorities....what I value most in my life....
I KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS...
but sometimes I can really be stubborn...

I need to gather all my guts...probably faith...to come up with a decision.