as much I wanted to be so optimistic nowadays, I couldn't help but to be such a "nega" everytime my day/night ends without seeing him.
that's the problem with me...whenever i'm becoming too attached...
whenever i get so elated and happy about an act done by someone so dear i have this tendency to be so "expecting"...and when i get the perks to achieve it more than the times i had expected it to be...it becomes a habit...hard to take away or break
the problem is- it's hard to fall in love with a dream and a habit....because it's so addicting
and frustrating at the same time...if it didn't turn out the way you expected it.

i don't want to think that this is another sad story...almost just started yet has to end.

i'll just trust the good times...
and hopefully it will turn out the way that can make me smile....

i've just learned that sometimes the person that intimidates us...sends spooky chills to our spines....
feels the same way...one way or another
to other person...who probably feels the same way
towards other...
and so the saga begins...

we just have to dig deeper.... look further
to understand each and everyone...whom sometimes we think "mean, ruthless and impossible!"

at times, we have to know where they're coming from...in order to understand them and their actions towards us.

because for all we know...they too have wounds to heal...

******

reading her blog made me weep in silence...
i didnt know she's that easy to invest emotions...
i didnt know she's that easy to trust
..to consider someone as friend...
i didn't know she's been through a lot of "letting-go" in the past..
i didn't know that she's that damn attached...

...now i understand why

she's not at all what I had pictured her to be...
it's not enough to judge her just because she has hurt me...or some other people

Bike

Last Saturday my family went to Pink Sister's Church at Tagaytay. With us, are two kids(relatives), a neighbor(also a kid) and my sister's friend. The said church is quite famous for the prayers/petitions that devotees would write in a piece of paper( which is provided by the church) and drop in a petition box. These prayers or wishes would then be prayed by the pink sisters. Since Aira is just 5 years old, she could not write yet so I asked her to ask her ninang (my sister) to write down her wishes, since at that time I was concentrating on mine.

So she went to her ninang and said, " Ninang sulat mo ko".
My sister got a paper and a pen to write down the wish of her inaanak.
Then my sister asked her what was her wish or prayer to God.
Aira said instantaneously," Gusto ko ng bike na pink, bibigay ng ninang ko sa pasko".
and even reminded her "lagay mo pangalan ko ha" ( as if God would be confused and might give the bike to other kids)
Then my sister laughed ( tamang parinig daw sa kanya yun)....but nonetheless, wrote exactly what Aira had said.

When my sister was telling this anecdote...it made me realized how specific and simple child's wish could be.

Kid's life is simple. Kids ask exactly what they want and are happy when they get it. They cry when they are hurt. They laugh when they are happy. They know that it is bad to lie. They appreciate things and get satisfied easily. It is easier to motivate and encourage them. They hug or kiss you when they like or love you...and they mean it. They are afraid to disobey. They fight with their friends but make peace and forgive easily. They don't nurse grudges. They don't let pride get in the way. It is easier for them to say "i love you", "i like that!", "i don't like that!", and "I'm sorry". They don't complicate things. They are happy despite anything else that is happening.

How simple yet peaceful.

So I then told Aira...her wish will come true. God will give that bike.
She was happy and contended. She's holding on with that promise...with so much confidence that her wish will come true.

Let me share a paragraph from the book of Osho…

“Never carry things on from the past – the past is gone. Every moment be rid of it, solved or unsolved. Now nothing can be done about it. Drop it – and don’t carry parts because those parts won’t allow you to solve new problems that live in the moment. Live this moment as totally as possible, and suddenly you will come to realize that if you live it totally, it is solved. There is no need to solve it. Life is not a problem to be solved - it is a mystery to be lived. If you live it totally it is solved, and you come out of it beautiful, enriched, with new treasures of your being opened and nothing hanging around you. Then you move in another moment with that freshness, with this totality, intensity, so that another moment is lived and solved.”

I find this philosophy of Osho very sensible and practical approach in life. There is really sense in traveling light. We don’t have to accumulate clutter in our lives. Take away pain, anger, regrets and bitterness in our lives and will emerge as a free human being able to feel the inexplicable and amusing flow of life.
It sounds quite easy…but must admit that it may be hard for some. However, it will even be a lot difficult if we will not free ourselves from the misery of imprisoning it with emotions that are slowly consuming our lives….us.
Life itself is unfathomable…and its being such makes things a lot exciting and challenging. There are instances in our lives that we are compelled to act as our inaction would lead us to a place we would not like to be at. But there are also instances that our understanding, acceptance and wise realization are necessary enough more than anything else.
There are things beyond our control that no matter how much we want things to happen our way…sometimes it just can’t. Same goes that there are things that happen even if it is against our will. Surprisingly yet true, that sometimes the best thing to do is just to accept it. Acceptance is the first step towards achieving an uncomplicated life. Moving on is a wise decision. Forgiving or letting go is that which will set you apart from anybody else.

God has his ways of touching ourlives...we may not even know when or how it will happen...but it will happen...at the right time, when wounds are healed and the heart has moved on from the pain and now ready to forgive.
Somehow will just realise that we are not only picking ourselves after what happened...but we are also picking lesson or perhaps wisdom...and there we are looking at the road without any regrets of going back. There is peace and there is happiness only if we let God do his ways.

Random thoughts - oh well

Two more exams to hurdle and I can finally have my grand vacation with a friend....-oh well
Just had my exam...morning and afternoon. Such is Tax day! - oh well
When I received the booklet I prayed silently. When I opened it..it caused me headache. I was close to shouting. - oh well
I slept at around 4am this morning and woke up at 6am. Two hours of sleep.. - oh well
Lately I have been experiencing "bangungot" ...I don't know what it is called but the feeling is like a spirit is dragging you from somewhere or it's either my spirit getting out from my body. Spooky! I could hardly breathe. Then I would struggle and tried to shout and pray and control my movements to make myself awake. Then I would wake up tried/wasted as if I didn't sleep at all. It's alarming that sometimes I have this fear of sleeping...that I might not wake up the next morning. Well, I've noticed that it usually happens when I'd sleep extremely late (almost dawn) after marathon reading. Probably my mind is just too tired and exhausted from work to school stuffs. Think I badly need some rest - oh well
My zits are slowly fading... but the marks are freakingly annoying - oh well
"Never expect from a friend..you'll just get frustrated"...this has been running in my mind from time to time. Somebody said this to me as an unsolicited advice...someone I treasure...someone special but lately I've been trying to outgrew...I don't know why, but may be I should learn to live my life with out him. But he will always be special and dear. Nobody can replace him. But I just want to give myself a break. - oh well
It's great to be reunited with friends I have missed to be with... It's always a great feeling to know that I have lots of "them" in my life. - oh well
Cup of coffee is addicting. I don't know how it happened but I used to be a milk monster...I could replace water with milk(well, not because of the milk scare...)...but coffee nowadays is a must! - oh well
laid back? - oh well
Weather in the office has changed a lot... - oh well
How can I not smile if my A**y*on* gives me reason to? My ate describes him as "cuteness"-oh well
...and there's HAPPINESS who never fails to brighten up my day...gives me reason to enjoy overtimes hehehe -oh well
Such is life! despite the nasty rumor...i still can't convince myself to whine about it...after all it isn't true... Why would I ruin something that is okay just because of some nasty thing? - oh well
If someone's bothering me...or my thoughts... or my world....I just simply delete the person's contact in my cellphone or YM. - oh well
I can only handle so much stress in life...there are more important things. - oh well
I have learned to value friends...and life has taught me the process of elimination. - oh well
Spending time in the house is not being detained sacrificing freedom...nowadays it has been very comforting - oh well
Kids in the house (?) have been addictive to me...I think same goes with me, I have been addictive to them especially aira - oh well
I would love to spend a vacation with Roche. We've been planning to go out of town and hopefully it will push though.. - oh well
There are many fish in the sea...but have no time to catch them. I'd rather sleep - oh well
I am just enjoying sailing till the fish jumps into my boat ... hehehe hope it is possible. - oh well
Sometimes I feel "information overload"...sometimes I feel "there's nothing inside my head"...quite an oxymoron! - oh well
I can only sighhh after a nerve wrecking exams - oh well
I wish I have all the time to study!!!!! Genie that's my wish@!!! - oh well
My long lost friend asked me..."Hindi ka ba napapagod?" - oh well
A relative once said "itigil na yang pag-aaral na yan"...and another asked "kailan pa ba yan matatapos?" ...I'd rather zip my mouth so as not to let some fiery words to come out - oh well
I just love kathleen's comment which unfortunately I couldn't post in my friendster account...It makes me miss her. My warfreak friend - oh well
Cacai is getting married this December 18....we're all excited! - oh well
It's refreshing to hang out with Lara, Carlo, Roche, BesprenJo.....I so miss my friends!!!! - oh well I shall include in my vacation's "to do list" visiting of churches I have never been to before. After midterms I failed to visit St. Therese as I am not familiar with QC...but I ended up at St. Jude. Now I intend to go farther...probably in Manaoag... - oh well
But I must pass the finals....BIG TIME - oh well
I'm hard up! after paying my tuition this morning...huhuhu I wonder how to survive the weeks...it was not a pleasant surprise actually. Next time I will really make it a point to check my balance...and never let it accumulates. Such is life! - oh well
I am sleepy! - oh well