COFFEE ADDICT

I have really turned into a certified coffee addict....

Kulang nalang dalhin ko na ang coffeemaker sa office..

Ginawa ko ng water ang brewed coffee...

at kulang nalang ganito:

Baby stuffs

I had a hard time buying baby stuffs. Not only because I just dropped by the nearest mall and I only had an hour to do the shopping...but I really had a difficult time choosing.
Funny coz of being too fickle minded (getting and putting back whatever my hands get), I ended up messing the stuffs on the rack...hehehhe
bottles fell down...some were rolling when reached the ground ...other items were totally misplaced...while I was there, standing and wishing that not a single item would break...otherwise, I know I would go out the mall hard up! (because of paying those broken stuffs)...

Nevertheless, I think I made the best pick!
Everything from "precious moments"...
nice nice!!

Kinda excited! : )

Being liked

Being liked gives a person a certain responsibility or obligation to become a better person. It is a privilege to be liked by someone as we can not please everyone.

I must say that I am lucky to be liked by kids.
(Nephews, nieces, "inaanaks", cousins, neighbors...and other kids in full context)
I would wake up with kids jumping around making some noise eager to see me getting up from my bed. One kid would turn on the light and another would shout at my ear....yeah they could be that mean :( but since they are kids, they can get away from my nags and sharp looks....just because they are kids.
If you live in our house, it's a "no-no" to wake me up in the middle of my deep sleep. Reason that is, I have only few hours to spend sleeping and those few hours are very much precious to me and is non-negotiable.

One time, I kidded Aira, saying I couldn't be her ninang in her "Kumpil(confirmation)" but instead I would be for her ate.
She cried and went out our house. We thought she's just going home but when my mother followed her...she was outside near a tree and crying. She didn't talk to me despite hours of negotiation (that I would buy her sponge bobs etc and etc) . After a while, she mumbled " hindi na kita gigisingin!" then she cried again..."hindi na kita ninang! ate na lang".
Then, I've realized that their "waking-me-up" must have meant so much to them that they won't do that to someone they don't like or care less. Translated in another word, "concern or care".
I was touched!
After few hours we were okay. Thereafter, I made them home-made and my version of "Starbucks Mocha Frappe". They were, again, engrossed with my must-have coffeemaker and starbucks house blend coffee and the way I put creams, milk, chocolate and sugar altogether.
They listen everytime I tell them to wait till three o'clock before they can drink it (even if it is past three). Soon they will be convinced to sleep. Once awaken they would race to open the ref and get the chilled coffee (which they called "ice cream").

It is nice to see how they get delighted whenever they see me in the house...because I usually went home late. They would shout and jump and would compete just to stay beside me as if they were irons and I am magnet. They would do things voluntarily or even without me asking...as if they were under my spell hehehe (such as getting this or that).
I remember they would always ask me when do will I have no "pasok" since maybe they notice that most of the time I had to go to work (my excuse) even weekends.

It is moving to hear from a kid while looking straight my eyes, with a shy smile, but with a sincere heart, saying " Thank you po kasi sinama mo kami".
I heard that twice in different incident from Maica, who obviously had fun during my treat.
I would normally promise them that I would take them out in this and that place on this and that date....and I would make time to do that promise whenever my schedule turns okay. (Because they say kids who used to get broken promises become Liars)
We normally tag them along when there is family outing or gathering...as if they are already part of our family. They would encircle the date in their calendar and count the days as it nears.
They would dress up nicely prepared and wake up earlier.

They are both addicted in staying in our house chit chatting and joking around with my parents.
The moment they wake up and after they came from school...and before they sleep they are in our house.

I would receive a call late at night(which I was not supposed to get as I normally don't accept calls in the house for some weird reason) either from anyone of them...just saying "goodnight" or asking the same questions they have asked few minutes before their father called them to go home.

When my shift was still 12pm-9pm, they would wait for me before they would sleep. I would hear thin pitch of shouting voice whenever I arrive and would see two kids jumping with big smiles and they would run hurriedly to me, thereafter.

It's a good feeling to know that aside from my pamangkins, these kids like me too.
Also, I somehow feel a certain sense of moral obligation to be a good example to them. I feel guilty whenever out of impulsive reactions, anger or uncontrolled emotions I show unpleasant attitude in front of them. I try to be conscious whenever kids are around to be extra careful with the words that I will use;to be careful on my facial expressions and tone of voice as I don't want them to look at it as okay or acceptable, knowing that they see me as someone to look up to.
Kids would sometimes mimic our styles and ways of speaking. They would mimic our expressions and eventually, without us knowing...they already have adapted our personalities and characters.
They say "Character is contagious".
It is good only if ours is worth catching.
It would be unfair for these kids if I would knowingly or unknowingly influence them with the things I should have discarded long before.

More than being liked, I guess it would be a lot nicer feeling to see how you have influenced those who look up to you to be a good and better individual.
Being liked..more than a privilege is an obligation. :)

I have come to accept that people will always have something to say about someone...about something and nobody escapes from that - not even the President, right?

In a big circle with a small dot, the dot always enjoys the attention.

People's opinion if taken seriously could be helpful in improving oneself...but once you have taken it beyond what you can just take, then it becomes dangerous.
Believe me, it can eat you...slowly but surely.

It is not that we shall become numb about criticism...just that we should accept that it is but part of everyones life. It's not ONLY you.
I guess, if you want to make a difference...try to manage it well. Without you compromising your identity and without you being a people pleaser.

Stay grounded.
Spend much time knowing yourself more than knowing others.
For if you know yourself...and you feel good about what you have come to know...
then nobody can just ruin you.

Being True..or Being Apathetic?

I came across a blog (of my former schoolmate...) and there's this one phrase, which although I forgot the verbatim, the message lingers to me and remains fresh in my mind.
She has always been someone I looked up to eversince we were schoolmate...I find her personality very strong, unpretentious, adventurous, sharp, grounded, witty and intelligent. I know she is not an "ordinary girl".
If I was a guy...she's the kind of lady I would want to pursue.

I happened to read few of her entries...
In one of her entries she wrote that in her pursuit to know herself she thought that - doing the things she wanted to do, saying things she wanted to say and acting without any consideration of other people is right and justified by being "TRUE" to oneself. But then, later in life she realized...IT IS NOT.

It struck me!
Yes...she has a point.
We are responsible not only with ourselves but likewise with other people. Our right to express ourselves (disregarding the rights, privacy, feelings of other people) is NOT ABSOLUTE.
Somewhere in between it should be restricted.
Once a word has been uttered...once something has been done it can neither be erased nor undone.
It's there already...the marks are there.
Our apology may ease it...but it shouldn't be an excuse. Otherwise, it could only be a vicious cycle - of saying sorry and doing what has been done for the second and nth time.

Let us not be apathetic...we are not living alone in this world.
More than our egos, pride and self-filling-up-those-emptiness...there are people who could be hurt, damaged, destroyed or affected along the way...

i've just learned that sometimes the person that intimidates us...sends spooky chills to our spines....
feels the same way...one way or another
to other person...who probably feels the same way
towards other...
and so the saga begins...

we just have to dig deeper.... look further
to understand each and everyone...whom sometimes we think "mean, ruthless and impossible!"

at times, we have to know where they're coming from...in order to understand them and their actions towards us.

because for all we know...they too have wounds to heal...

******

reading her blog made me weep in silence...
i didnt know she's that easy to invest emotions...
i didnt know she's that easy to trust
..to consider someone as friend...
i didn't know she's been through a lot of "letting-go" in the past..
i didn't know that she's that damn attached...

...now i understand why

she's not at all what I had pictured her to be...
it's not enough to judge her just because she has hurt me...or some other people

Bike

Last Saturday my family went to Pink Sister's Church at Tagaytay. With us, are two kids(relatives), a neighbor(also a kid) and my sister's friend. The said church is quite famous for the prayers/petitions that devotees would write in a piece of paper( which is provided by the church) and drop in a petition box. These prayers or wishes would then be prayed by the pink sisters. Since Aira is just 5 years old, she could not write yet so I asked her to ask her ninang (my sister) to write down her wishes, since at that time I was concentrating on mine.

So she went to her ninang and said, " Ninang sulat mo ko".
My sister got a paper and a pen to write down the wish of her inaanak.
Then my sister asked her what was her wish or prayer to God.
Aira said instantaneously," Gusto ko ng bike na pink, bibigay ng ninang ko sa pasko".
and even reminded her "lagay mo pangalan ko ha" ( as if God would be confused and might give the bike to other kids)
Then my sister laughed ( tamang parinig daw sa kanya yun)....but nonetheless, wrote exactly what Aira had said.

When my sister was telling this anecdote...it made me realized how specific and simple child's wish could be.

Kid's life is simple. Kids ask exactly what they want and are happy when they get it. They cry when they are hurt. They laugh when they are happy. They know that it is bad to lie. They appreciate things and get satisfied easily. It is easier to motivate and encourage them. They hug or kiss you when they like or love you...and they mean it. They are afraid to disobey. They fight with their friends but make peace and forgive easily. They don't nurse grudges. They don't let pride get in the way. It is easier for them to say "i love you", "i like that!", "i don't like that!", and "I'm sorry". They don't complicate things. They are happy despite anything else that is happening.

How simple yet peaceful.

So I then told Aira...her wish will come true. God will give that bike.
She was happy and contended. She's holding on with that promise...with so much confidence that her wish will come true.

Let me share a paragraph from the book of Osho…

“Never carry things on from the past – the past is gone. Every moment be rid of it, solved or unsolved. Now nothing can be done about it. Drop it – and don’t carry parts because those parts won’t allow you to solve new problems that live in the moment. Live this moment as totally as possible, and suddenly you will come to realize that if you live it totally, it is solved. There is no need to solve it. Life is not a problem to be solved - it is a mystery to be lived. If you live it totally it is solved, and you come out of it beautiful, enriched, with new treasures of your being opened and nothing hanging around you. Then you move in another moment with that freshness, with this totality, intensity, so that another moment is lived and solved.”

I find this philosophy of Osho very sensible and practical approach in life. There is really sense in traveling light. We don’t have to accumulate clutter in our lives. Take away pain, anger, regrets and bitterness in our lives and will emerge as a free human being able to feel the inexplicable and amusing flow of life.
It sounds quite easy…but must admit that it may be hard for some. However, it will even be a lot difficult if we will not free ourselves from the misery of imprisoning it with emotions that are slowly consuming our lives….us.
Life itself is unfathomable…and its being such makes things a lot exciting and challenging. There are instances in our lives that we are compelled to act as our inaction would lead us to a place we would not like to be at. But there are also instances that our understanding, acceptance and wise realization are necessary enough more than anything else.
There are things beyond our control that no matter how much we want things to happen our way…sometimes it just can’t. Same goes that there are things that happen even if it is against our will. Surprisingly yet true, that sometimes the best thing to do is just to accept it. Acceptance is the first step towards achieving an uncomplicated life. Moving on is a wise decision. Forgiving or letting go is that which will set you apart from anybody else.

God has his ways of touching ourlives...we may not even know when or how it will happen...but it will happen...at the right time, when wounds are healed and the heart has moved on from the pain and now ready to forgive.
Somehow will just realise that we are not only picking ourselves after what happened...but we are also picking lesson or perhaps wisdom...and there we are looking at the road without any regrets of going back. There is peace and there is happiness only if we let God do his ways.

Random thoughts - oh well

Two more exams to hurdle and I can finally have my grand vacation with a friend....-oh well
Just had my exam...morning and afternoon. Such is Tax day! - oh well
When I received the booklet I prayed silently. When I opened it..it caused me headache. I was close to shouting. - oh well
I slept at around 4am this morning and woke up at 6am. Two hours of sleep.. - oh well
Lately I have been experiencing "bangungot" ...I don't know what it is called but the feeling is like a spirit is dragging you from somewhere or it's either my spirit getting out from my body. Spooky! I could hardly breathe. Then I would struggle and tried to shout and pray and control my movements to make myself awake. Then I would wake up tried/wasted as if I didn't sleep at all. It's alarming that sometimes I have this fear of sleeping...that I might not wake up the next morning. Well, I've noticed that it usually happens when I'd sleep extremely late (almost dawn) after marathon reading. Probably my mind is just too tired and exhausted from work to school stuffs. Think I badly need some rest - oh well
My zits are slowly fading... but the marks are freakingly annoying - oh well
"Never expect from a friend..you'll just get frustrated"...this has been running in my mind from time to time. Somebody said this to me as an unsolicited advice...someone I treasure...someone special but lately I've been trying to outgrew...I don't know why, but may be I should learn to live my life with out him. But he will always be special and dear. Nobody can replace him. But I just want to give myself a break. - oh well
It's great to be reunited with friends I have missed to be with... It's always a great feeling to know that I have lots of "them" in my life. - oh well
Cup of coffee is addicting. I don't know how it happened but I used to be a milk monster...I could replace water with milk(well, not because of the milk scare...)...but coffee nowadays is a must! - oh well
laid back? - oh well
Weather in the office has changed a lot... - oh well
How can I not smile if my A**y*on* gives me reason to? My ate describes him as "cuteness"-oh well
...and there's HAPPINESS who never fails to brighten up my day...gives me reason to enjoy overtimes hehehe -oh well
Such is life! despite the nasty rumor...i still can't convince myself to whine about it...after all it isn't true... Why would I ruin something that is okay just because of some nasty thing? - oh well
If someone's bothering me...or my thoughts... or my world....I just simply delete the person's contact in my cellphone or YM. - oh well
I can only handle so much stress in life...there are more important things. - oh well
I have learned to value friends...and life has taught me the process of elimination. - oh well
Spending time in the house is not being detained sacrificing freedom...nowadays it has been very comforting - oh well
Kids in the house (?) have been addictive to me...I think same goes with me, I have been addictive to them especially aira - oh well
I would love to spend a vacation with Roche. We've been planning to go out of town and hopefully it will push though.. - oh well
There are many fish in the sea...but have no time to catch them. I'd rather sleep - oh well
I am just enjoying sailing till the fish jumps into my boat ... hehehe hope it is possible. - oh well
Sometimes I feel "information overload"...sometimes I feel "there's nothing inside my head"...quite an oxymoron! - oh well
I can only sighhh after a nerve wrecking exams - oh well
I wish I have all the time to study!!!!! Genie that's my wish@!!! - oh well
My long lost friend asked me..."Hindi ka ba napapagod?" - oh well
A relative once said "itigil na yang pag-aaral na yan"...and another asked "kailan pa ba yan matatapos?" ...I'd rather zip my mouth so as not to let some fiery words to come out - oh well
I just love kathleen's comment which unfortunately I couldn't post in my friendster account...It makes me miss her. My warfreak friend - oh well
Cacai is getting married this December 18....we're all excited! - oh well
It's refreshing to hang out with Lara, Carlo, Roche, BesprenJo.....I so miss my friends!!!! - oh well I shall include in my vacation's "to do list" visiting of churches I have never been to before. After midterms I failed to visit St. Therese as I am not familiar with QC...but I ended up at St. Jude. Now I intend to go farther...probably in Manaoag... - oh well
But I must pass the finals....BIG TIME - oh well
I'm hard up! after paying my tuition this morning...huhuhu I wonder how to survive the weeks...it was not a pleasant surprise actually. Next time I will really make it a point to check my balance...and never let it accumulates. Such is life! - oh well
I am sleepy! - oh well

my friend said that in order to succeed in the profession we are currently pursuing we need to set aside our emotions...what we need is determination and discpline- and I think he is right.

God fortify me to go on...bless me with wisdom to understand my purpose.
Inspire me with your words...comfort me with your love and compassion.
Give me courage to continue despite the impending storm..
Help me to be a person like you are...

HOW TO MAKE A CUPCAKE

Easy Cupcake Recipe

Ingredients:

• 2 1/4 cups all purpose in life.
• 1 1/3 cups effort
• 3 teaspoons determination
• 1/2 teaspoon perseverance
• 1/2 cup courage
• 1 cup faith
• 1 teaspoon hope
• 2 large patience (one is extra)

Directions:

1. Prepare yourself to a heat of 350 degrees. It'll take a lot of sweat but it will be worth it, later.
2. Line up your priorities, in order, in cupcake pans with paper liners.
3. Combine dreams, effort, determination, and perseverance in a large mixing bowl.
4. Add courage, faith, and hope.
5. Beat for 1 minute on consistent focus. Don't mind the muscle pain. It will be worth it!
6. Scrape side of bowl with discipline.
7. Add Patience to the mixture.
8. Beat again for 1 minute on consistent focus. Disregard the muscle pain. It will be worth it!
9. Scrape bowl again with more discipline.
10. Beat on high focus for 1 minute 30 seconds until well mixed. It may take a lot of sacrifice...but it will be worth it!
11. Spoon cupcake batter into paper liners until 1/2 to 2/3 full.
12. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean.
13. Cool 5 minutes in pans then remove and place on wire racks to cool completely. Relax coz you deserve some pat on the back and a big time break.
14. Once cupcakes are completely cooled, frost with a positive attitude or decorate with a grateful heart, as you desire.
15. Cupcakes are best when shared with others...it will give you a sense of fulfillment and purpose.

altruism

If only people could be altruistic rather than self-centered...then life would be less complicated and stressful.

Who knows Best?

Maria was asked by her Mother what gift she would want to have on her birthday.
Maria abruptly replied " Mom, I want a red-high-heeled shoes!".
The Mother promised that she would buy her the said shoes.

The morning after, Maria was jubilantly jumping on her bed holding the Red-high-heeled shoes her Mother promised to buy.

The youngest, upon seeing this rejoice went to the Mother and asked the same Red-High-Heeled shoes, to which the Mother said " No, Sorry... I can't buy you ".

The youngest went to the corner and cried.
"You know Mom you are so unfair! Why Maria always gets what she wants! She's really your favorite! I so hate her!", the youngest uttered in dismay and with so much jealousy to Maria.

The Mother went near...and gave a long embrace...then said " Junior, I will just buy you a rubber shoes, instead...."

Like a Mother, God knows (better) how to answer our prayers...
He grants prayer that is GOOD for us...
We just have to TRUST.

in the wilderness

Outside our home is a place called forest...
you could be a prey....or a beast feasting for a prey...
you could be a poisonous berry to deceive many...or you could be a flower to make a difference...
In this place...I have learned to struggle. To cry for the pain. To fear the wilds. To fear everything even my own shadow. To doubt myself. To almost got crazy. To hide for safety. To heal my own wounds. To disregard the marks. To wipe my tears and to stop its falling. To improvise my own weapons. To fear no more. To stand up and to fight for my survival....

Being stranded in to it has nevertheless taught me to value my life...more than anything else.
More beast may attempt to my existence...but fear has no place
for I know how to fight...

another way towards it..

I believe that God has His ways on leading us towards our destination. The ways may be apparent or may be profound and at times we run out of capabilities to comprehend...but whatever those ways are at the end God is just leading us to a better way to successfully reach our itinerary.

I am guilty of losing my patience and strength sometimes...of almost giving up...of forgetting that God is with me in my journey....but I am proud that though I went through all those temptations...I never doubted God's intention. Though I've been weak..I've never allowed myself to completely succumb to the devil's temptation - to give up!

Through out the process (of which I called -my maturity), though I stumbled a lot of times, I always cling to God and in one way or another, those experiences have stregthened my faith (more than my personality).

In our life, I know there is no precise route to reach our goals and along the way there will be some constructions and detour/reroute. Those things shouldn't stop us from travelling. Either we take the long or short cut, what's important is we follow God's way towards our destination....towards our goal. It only takes a DECISION...and FAITH- to God and to ourselves.

I would be unhappy if i grow old...alone. Well, one could be single but not alone.
I have seen people who need companions more than their companions need him/her.
I pity those who at their age should have established atleast a family, if not circle of friends, to accompany them in times of their need to celebrate goodness of life...but turned out to establish neither.
As the saying goes " sieze the day!" we shouldn't forget to make the most out of the day we have ... let us not deprive ourselves the opportunity to appreciate and enjoy life-to the fullest. Some are merely focused on how to reach their goal or destination, forgetting that they also have a life to live. I always believe that "it is not the destination...it's the journey". There are few who have gotten their biggest goal...but sad to say, remain lost and unhappy. They've realized that they have wasted their entire life making the impossible things possible...when all what they need was just to smile with joy in their heart and to laugh the loudest each day that will pass.
On the otherhand, I admire those who have intelligently (i must say!) enjoyed both the blessings of a happy and a fulfilled life. These are the people who have reached their destination while enjoying the scenery of life.
...and i wish to be one of the latter type.
when the time comes I have reached destination...I want to have no regrets. I don't want to look back with a heart wanting to redo or undo certain things....
I just want to go forward with a smile...and be very thankful how blessed i was to have experienced LIFE.

CHECKLIST

Do you find it hard to say "no"? Or you just say "yes" even when you mean "no"?
Do you always compromise your time to other's?
Do you always have to adjust to other's whims and caprices, even if detrimental on your part?
Do you always think of others...prior to yourself?
Does your conscience makes you feel guilty if you fail or disappoint someone?
Do you get disappointed when you disappoint someone?
Do you always crave for other's approval?
How important it is to you that people like you?
Do you pretend to be someone whom you know you are not?
How comfortable it is to you to be who you really are when you are with other people?
Do you say "ok' even if you feel otherwise?
Do you give more than what you have?
Do you drink more what you can take?
Do you laugh even if you didn't get the joke?
Do you cry even if you don't feel anything at all?
Are you true to others?
Are you true to yourself?
Are you true to God?

moving forward...

she was right...
I should not let other people hamper my opportunity to succeed.
I should not bring so much load in my travel...it is still best to travel light.
I should not let other people influence me in making decision for my life.
...the best way is to move on and focus on my path.

...and I will always remember the advices my friend has given me...
he said:
Think about what you want to become...
Will your decision make your dream reachable?
Think...think and think.


in life we make decisions...
it is a choice whether to think we have made the right move or a bad one...
nevertheless, we can always make it right...and it's never too late