Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


***This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible and has been very helpful to me, especially whenever I am in my weakest moment. This reminds me that God has nothing in store for me but goodness and happiness. Sometimes we need to taste sourness and bitterness for us to be able to appreciate and enjoy "sweetness". I must admit that whenever I encounter things that really test not only my strength and patience but my endurance as well, I cry and whine.
Now that I have, somehow, come to my sense, I am just taking it as an opportunity, rather than shame, to know myself further so that I know where I should start working on with my shortcomings. My faith, hope and the people who loves me, pushes me forward to grow as a person...especially at times when I fall short of maturity.
Sometimes there are really things that need to be prolonged...until we are ready and until we are responsible enough to take charge of it.
But certainly, God has a plan. And His plan may not be what we wanted on the onset but surely it is something that is good and better for us at the end.

Reading between the lines

"you don't say what is apparent"...said my friend when teased that she's so damn BIG!
Yeah...there are things need not to say as it is obvious.
makes me wonder now....what if what you perceive as "apparent" is not what it seems to be?
...and there goes taint of doubt and confusion sets in.
Our actions can either bring us to clarity...or "well" of endless darkness...
We sometimes assume and presume things as if we are "very" sure of it.
We base our conviction on the facts presented and perceived, not to mention our personal knowledge to stand a leg on what we "believe"...ONLY TO FIND OUT! we are WRONG!
Actions may deceive us...
Actions may fool us and make us feel all the more stupid!
Actions are not always reliable if these will be the "only" basis
.....Actions can hurt. Hurt us like hell.
Sometimes, we also need to hear what needs to be verbalized....we need to know what we oughta know.
But yeah...only those who are sure of what they feel can take a risk to say...
Only those who are sincere of their apologies can utter "im sorry"
Only those who feel an honest intention can disclose their feelings
...it takes more than courage, i think.
It takes respect for the other person...not to be left in cloud of doubt.

It is dangerous to really read between the lines. I'd rather be a mushroom...clueless and dense
than to feel frustrated and having this feeling of shame :(

Just a thought

Everything is a decision and a choice...
happiness is a state of mind.
While everyone is looking for profoundness...
sometimes the most senseless thing in life can make us happy..
it is not always those things that make you proud and make you famous that make you feel better about yourself...sometimes it is ironic, to figure out, that little things can make you love the life you have.
It is the fear of being "branded" as a failure, a loser, unwise or stupid that hinders us most of the time to pursue the very thing that can make us happy...
sometimes we should also consider...
it is not always what other people will say....
what will matter really is what we will tell ourselves after we have lost another opportunity...
(surely we do not want another missed chance...another what could have been...
another regret)

what ah?!

i remember a friend told me about a person who unconsciously or consciously snakes out everything and anything she wants.
i haven't gotten the right word to describe it...nor coin a word for the sake of it

but i think it is more like of insecurity...perhaps that person have the wrong notion that if she gets whatever other people want, she'll be step ahead of the others...and the idea of it gives her the sense of feeling up there or successful.

AMATEUR...I SAY TO MYSELF

You are not an expert in the field of playing games and leaving ripped hearts behind, out of satisfying egoistic and self-centered desires.
If you have hurt somebody else’s … you have a justifiable reason – it was probably merely unintentional and undesigned.
You maybe good in pampering yourself and spoiling your whims and caprices…but one thing’s for sure – you don’t do that at the expense of others.
You are more like a firefly too curious and silly to test yourself.
Flabbergasted with the bright light the fire produces.
TOO TRUSTING to the innate goodness that the fire has…
Deceived by the view of it,
Foolish to go near and too late to fly away
Most the time…a willing victim
You get hurt with your own stubbornness
You have struggled so many times to forget and get over.
Getting near the fire is but a moment to remember as this is where the trill domiciles and the unexplainable-strange-weird feeling dominates
But when the fire ends and the light fade away
Darkness seems to be a haunting mystery you wouldn’t want to unravel.
It echoes right through your heart…like a sound that irks the ear.
Its silence shouts louder than what you want to hear
And the “burns” pains like forever
When realization comes…other things begin
It is sad that in the process of what you think is best
You have to give up things that have almost been part of your being
Because trying to keep BOTH is like destroying EVERYTHING.
It is SAD…
But it is the CONSEQUENCE of it.
People come and go
And sometimes it seems like a PATTERN…
You don’t know how it begins…and you don’t know when it will end.
You ask questions…
But all you gather in the end is but the same answers, only in different ways….only from different people…
Just when you think you have learned the lessons pretty well
Fate puts you in a TEST.
Still you are the same firefly who has not learned that fire can kill you…
You have gone through the process of healing your wounds
Only to have it wounded again…
You are still the same stubborn person that you are
Unconscious about what can hurt you
Not vigilant against the potential heart breaker
You are still the same person who didn’t learn much from the past
And the same person who ends up asking “why?”, but couldn’t verbalize….

You should learn now…and put an end to the pattern.

"Used to think that the opposite of FEAR is BRAVERY. Now I have realized that the opposite is FAITH."
- this is not the verbatim, but I guess I kinda get the sense of it.
FAITH, indeed, pushes a person to overcome FEAR... fear of committing mistakes, fear of humiliation, fear of becoming helpless and useless, fear of being hurt, fear of hurting other people, fear of being frustrated...fear of fear itself. Regardless of how many "fear" that's creeping and eating you up if you have the sufficient faith to battle it, you will get through and you will surpass it.
It is like holding on to something you don't really see...but your guts and inner being are telling you that there is a sense in believing on it and your will follows despite everything else.

-it can really move mountains...

CATCHING UP WITH A MUSHROOM

She's left behind
amidst the chaos
she's left behind
clueless of what it seem
clueless of what could have been
clueless of what really is it...
coward to ask..."what was it?"
trying to pretend "okay"
replacing the words
diverting thoughts
faking emotions...
laughing at her foolishness
disappointed to the possible loss
convincing herself not to get mad
trying hard to be in control...

but end up clueless..still.

CLUELESS

CLUELESS ( klu- les ) ; tawag sa taong walang kaalam alam sa nangyayari at sa iniisip o sinasabi sa kanya ng ibang tao.

Left myself a hanging question...."where did i go wrong?"
certainly i am not doomed to be stupid person
i know that...
i may have done silly and foolish things....
but i know when to pick my mess
...and when to say "stop!"
But honestly..."where did I go wrong?"
maybe it's really not a guarantee to have given
kindness...
sometimes it's really not enough
or most of the time...not valued.