Monday, February 25, 2008

another scandal?

Another political turbulance....
Watching the news lately is like watching a telenovela...everyday, there are new characters involved...the statements, spiels and revelations are the grand explosions.
The ZTE scandal is the second big controversy to visit the administration....in which the alleged people involved are from the administration itself. The nation was again shaken, when Jun Lozada, after gathering some strength, decided to finally submit himself to the Senate for the investigation of the $329 Million NBN project involving the First Gentleman and Chair Abalos. Almost every revelation has dragged different persona in this controversy.
It was alleged, during the Senate hearing, that ZTE star witness was kidnapped, his phone was tapped and that there was an employment of force and coercion for him to make an affidavit asking for security, so that it would not appear as kidnapping. It was also alleged that there were threats in his life. And now, after the whistle blowing, more threats are coming. But of course some are still doubting his credibility, thinking that if the "greed was moderated" he could have been part of the said corruption. That Lozada himself are guilty of some illegal transactions. Just lately, another Erwin Santos appeared in television shedding tears while confessing some of anomalous transactions involving Lozada. Watching people in confession, it seem as if crying is now the passion of telling the truth.
Now, many are raising their eyebrows and wondering whether who is telling a big lie...or who is telling the truth. Some are giving their support to Lozada...Perhaps, because they see him as an inspiration or hope for change...that he may not be the candle to light us, but a mirror to reflect the light. However, it could be that for some they see him as the key to destroy and end the administration.
Different names were uttered to describe the President; "Evil", "Luckiest Bitch" and "Ungrateful". Different rallies/masses were held in different places by different people (from the priest, nuns, students, organizations, oppositions and even the masses) all asking for truth...asking for the President to go down. But of course if there were rallies held to oppose the administration, they were also those to support the President. This only shows that the nation is very much divided in this times. I just hope people were there not to fight who should stay or who should resign...I hope people were there not for any vested interest but for the interest of the public.
In this battle, the real victim is not Lozada, not Joey De Venecia, not any Pro, not the opposition....but no other than, the Filipino People. If those responsible people can get away from this controversy, then, surely they can get away from another one. If all the allegations are true, somebody must be held accountable.
The people are already tired of being forgiving for the offenses that seems unendless. What we need are projects geared towards our needs and not those geared towards other's ambitions. What we need are great leaders...and not great thieves.
We deserve change...a better Philippines...a better nation.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

imperfection

Perfect...I am not.
I have done many things that made me proud of myself...but I also have done things that made me regret...
I have so many unwise decisions, which make me feel stupid at times.
I have said words that have inspired many...
many people I have hurt because of my sharp utterance...
I have love and expressed it in many ways..
cared and have given what I could,
I have caused pain for not doing what I should have done...not saying what I should have said...doing what I should have not.
I have failed myself...
I have failed people who have trusted me...people who have put their faith on me...
I have sank them in frustrations....caused them misery
I have been a wall ...
but there were times this wall shattered....
because I was also weak
and needing a wall to depend on..
There were times I thought that I was so strong...
surpassed all the tides...adversities and still standing tall....
But there were times I linger in the past...
couldn't move on and let go...
I am not perfect, don't you know?
I am not.
but despite the imperfections...I still continue to go on
going through this battle called life...
armed with faith in God...
trusting that He still loves me inspite of that...
this imperfection that I have now, is what I am working on....
to be a better person that He wanted me to be....
this imperfection have made me realized who I am...what I can do, what I can not...
knowing my imperfections has taught me to accept myself...
forgive myself...and my brothers as well...
that they too are not perfect...just as I am

Thursday, February 14, 2008

How to love difficult people...

http://kerygmafamily.com/view.php?mediaid=71:mp3

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

in pursuit of truth

"...I would admit, I guess, in public and to the nation...There are certain things I did in my life that, I guess, upon reflection I would lose some respect to myself. But all the remaining respect I have in myself, I don't want to lose.....I'd like whatever respect I have in myself, to keep it. If I will go along this NBN, I guess I'm going to lose it all...I'm afraid I'm going to lose my soul..."
- Rodolfo "Jun" Lozada


***********************************************
This particular statement of Mr. Lozada struck me..Perhaps, made me ponder. For us all, we tend to question first the credibility of a person before buying whatever will come out from his mouth. Trustworthiness is indeed important. Credibility is what you call it. And when a person doesn't have it....we always have reservations...or maybe doubts....and even sometimes, our ears are already closed just before the person could utter a word. But what about when the person who can show us light is someone who in the past have been in the dark...will this person can never have a chance to lead us? Does a person who have sank in the mud will never have a chance to be clean?
Lozada, is no saint...as admitted by him. He submitted himself for inquiries despite the threats...despite the fears. He presented himself not as a saint, but someone from the dark who finally saw the light and risking his life to show everyone, or perhaps the nation, the TRUTH...
I commend the person, for taking the courage. And though, I have seen him crying, shaking and expressing his emotions several times in the television....but, for me, I still see him as a very strong man. It is as if his fears made him the strong person he is now. He conquered and risked the danger that might be awaiting him....only for the nation to know the truth. In public, he has unclothed himself...brave enough to admit his misdeeds in the past. His life, after this controversy, will never be the same...but he care less and it is as if he is already in the battle and there's no turning back. Armed with truth and with God's presence....a man such as Lozada, will win not only the battle but also the war.
..Real courage is facing what we know we can not...

Monday, February 11, 2008

Odi et Amo

"Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior. "

-I hate and I love. Why do I do it, perchance you might ask?I don't know, but I feel it is happening to me and I'm burning up.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

My everyday consists of routinary works...eating my energy...consuming me gradually...
if not for Rochelle, I would have been a lot more consumed. God is really good for He knows when to give help.
I have contended myself to this infinite boredom...senseless travel...
I still am contemplating whether because this is fate...or my choice.
Perhaps, the latter.
I know very much that life is proportionate on how our thoughts view it...
if we think we our blessed..we are blessed.
if we think we are miserable...that also is true.
However, the past few weeks were part of my down and trying moments...and honestly, including now.
Assessing my life seems a depressing review I would rather skip...
Not that I am complaining...but, well, maybe in some ways..
They say that when you are good in one aspect, you are not in the other. But what happens when you are neither good at both?
Depression! ....depression will eat you.
...the worst part is when it is eating you slowly....
Torture...it is!


I just want to think (no matter how hard it is to condition both mind and heart) that I shall be happy with what I have...rather than looking for what I lack.
Somehow...knowing what I do not have motivates me.
Yeah, it is depressing...
but I just would like to see it as a challenge...
next time I will be a lot careful with the decisions I will be making...
I am hopeful ...this will just disappear one day....

Limbo

...I am like a restless soul,
travelling with out even knowing where to go.
Tired but unfulfilled.
Still I am in confusion...
all questions, I have inside still left unanswered.
Thoughts battling with my thoughts...
words interrupted by words.
I am in limbo...
knowing which way to go to is a huge tide I have to conquer
just to get through...
So many things I have considered...
...so many...I forgot to consider mine.
My tears wanting to drop...
but I have now a heart so tough...
though hurting...almost to blast...but still trying to hold everything up.
I don't know where to go...I am restless
tired...weary...but I want to believe not yet defeated...
I want to go to Creator's long and consoling embrace,
to ease the burden, I have been carrying so long...
I want His ultimate love...to fuel me...to fill me...
to go through this battle...without giving up..without surrending....
and His hands, I want to hold...to get strength...courage...and peace.
I need Him in my life...
...I need His love.