Santa Claus

When I was a kid, I was told that there was really a Santa Claus. My sister and I would hang our socks at the window. On Christmas Eve, we would find that the two socks were already filled with chocolates and other stuffs. Then with a thankful and fascinated smile, we would later be convinced that there was really a true Santa Claus, one who rides in a sleigh with Rudolf and other reindeers, just like in any Christmas stories and movies. Then I would said a prayer for the gifts that I have received and would wish that next Christmas day, I would still receive presents from him. Every year, we would do our best to be the good girls that our parents hoped us to be and apart from that, I guess extra effort not to fight each other so that Santa would continue giving us gifts.

Years passed by and I figured out that it was only my father who puts the gifts in our socks. More years had passed and the Santa thing had stopped…. Well, but not the gift giving. It was expected that on Christmas Day we would receive presents from our parents, the one that we had wished, longed and I guess gained for the entire year.

As kids, we grew up in a simple home filled with love and compassion. Growing up as a kid, I become aware that helping is something one should be generous to offer. Sharing is a must. Giving should come from one’s heart. It is but a sin to be selfish. Sacrificing for love ones, is something not taught to us directly but one thing I’ve given a personal definition just by merely seeing and observing my parents.

Though we are not the type of family who would kiss and say “I love you” to each other, we were expressive in some other ways. Though we hardly say those words, I knew in my heart that it would be more than that if would be verbalized. When I was a kid, whenever my father was sick, I would go to the restroom and would cry and pray hard to God to make him well. I would even convince God that I would shoulder half of his sickness just to make him feel better…And I would do that every time..a simple way (and must say secret way) of paying them back from the goodness they have always and consistently shown. I am more than convinced that I will never find the same set of parents who would give the same love just like what they are giving us now…unconditional. I know I may lose everything that I have…but not the love my parents have for me.

They are the first ones who instilled the values that I have. They taught me how to love, to care, to help, to trust and trust for the second and many times. They are the ones who taught me how to forgive and not to nurse grudges. I have seen that in them for so many times and for so many people who have caused them unfairness and falseness. They never imposed us any thing. They never compelled us to do things in harmony of what they want. They never pushed us to things opposites our likes and dreams. They never told us to be someone who is not the “individual” that we have later discovered ourselves to be, but instead, they have accepted us… together with our strengths and shortcomings. They supported us in our dreams. They guided us in our quest. They constantly remind us the person that we are every time we lose our way. They never failed to instill God in our lives…the hope and the faith that they have, have served us great influence.

It is so much difficult to break their trust and do things that would give them pain, disgrace and disappointments. Must admit that I have attempted so many times, consciously/unconsciously, but whenever I am reminded with the love that they have shown and the sacrifice that they have done…it breaks my heart in to million pieces. I would rather let go of my self-centered pleasure than to see them miserably in pain. I don’t want to take the risk of being accepted after causing them aches. I would rather spare them from that. True, that It is so much difficult to hurt the person who gives you nothing but genuine love. It is like suicide or perhaps forever mental torture of so much guilt.

Now that I have grown so far from being a kid (and is growing still), I now understand the feeling when you know that the people you love and care for are happy. Happiness goes to me thousand folds. It is simply irreplaceable. Nothing compares with the sight and feeling that I am making them happy with the things I do and give. I used to dream for my own future, propelled by the support and encouragement of my parents. Now, my dreams are fuelled by the thought of giving them joy and pride. My dreams are a lot meaningful because these become also for them. Every day is like a Christmas Day…as if an opportunity to be a Santa Claus and makes so many children smile. It is as if my parents are the kids that my sister and I used to be when we were still kids…and “us” the Santa that they have been.

"Sacrifice becomes passion and passion becomes a means to make a person’s dream close to reality and a person’s heart happy."- I guess, this is also a "Santa Claus" way of living...

Chance

There’s no need to suppress,
And there’s no need to hold back.
I shall live for the moment,
For the moment will pass…
For the moment can never be repeated…
And will never come back.
Whatever it will brings to me,
I shall bear.
Whatever cost,
I shall pay.
Moment shall be cherished now
And not tomorrow…
Today is the moment.
And everyday is an opportunity to capture it.

LEX JURIS

How could other people GET SOME PLEASURE of using other's "known"name in such a way to create MALICIOUS FUN or simply INSENSITIVE FUN out of it, and thus causing confusion, damage or injury...to the owner?

I do not know whether these kinds of people are just simply UNAWARE, INSENSITIVE, BITTER or JUST FILLING UP THEIR EMPTINESS out of seeing other's shit or SIMPLY MESSING UP OTHER PEOPLE's rights, reputation, privacy and personhood.

"Acting" as a bull always eyeing for a red target....unfortunately, the "weak" or the "seemingly less weaker than they are"....for what? to convince themselves that " hey! in this area (of shitting) I am strong/great!"

I remember one person who once told me that " I choose my grounds"...at first I took it as very self-service statement....arrogantly flattering oneself. Now I realized there's wisdom on it. And to that person who once uttered it, my thanks, as it reminds me that I also must choose my grounds in dealing with people I choose to be in my life...and even those who- "not in my wildest dreams ever crossed to be part " of such, but consciously or unconsciously GETTING IN MY WAY!

"PIGS MESS WITH PIGS!" as they say...If you are not one of them...then rather stay away from the mud. But sometimes, and we know that, we can never choose the people whom we will bump into. Just don't start the war! but never step back on a fight...especially when the enemy has already started it. But just CHOOSE YOUR BATTLE WISELY so you will not end up stagnant in the mud.

People with different views, values, philosophies, principles, standards, way of living and BREEDING will always have INCONGRUITY.

I just wish that whatever DISPARITY I may have with other people ....I shall take it as something to augment my wisdom rather than to augment my enemies.

Drop our defenses

I figure out that sometimes, as we grow older the more things get complicated...the more life gets complicated.
It is as if happiness is just there...but never within our reach.
That sometimes...pleasing other people is tantamount to pleasing oneself.
compromising what we truly want and need..
Denying it -is being untrue...
Looking at one thing is seeing another thing,
as we are focus on our fears of losing than the grace of receiving...
We linger on the past that caused us misery...rather than dwelling on the emotion that is giving us hope...to be happy
We throw away the things that matter
...and keep the dangerous thing called - Pain.
Watch the children smile..watch them giggle and cry.
They are braver than us...
for they know how to drop their defenses...not afraid to be branded afraid or weak...
they cry when they are hurt
they laugh when they are happy...
But the adult doesn't know when to cry and when not to...
Because most of the time they fake their emotions
they mask their sadness
they mask their happiness
When good things come their way they don't know to see it as happiness or impending sorrow....
they worry too much about what will happen
when what will happen tomorrow can never be ascertained...
hence, they forget about the present
they forget to care
they forget to love
they forget to enjoy
...they forget the most important things in life
they spoil happiness...about to come their way
because they are so focused on their fears.

It is sad..but it is true.

Your Guardian Angel lyrics

When I see your smile,
Tears roll down my face.
I can't replace.
nd now that I'm strong,
I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know I'll find deep inside me,
I can be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
It's okay, It's okay,
It's okay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Seasons are changing,
And waves are crashing,
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
I can show you I'll be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y,
My true love,
my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'Cause I'm here... for you!
Please don't walk away and,
Please tell me you'll stay!

Use me as you will!
Pull my strings just for a thrill!
And I know I'll be okay,
Though my skies are turning grey!

I will never let you fall!
I'll stand up with you forever!
I'll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!

I will never let you fall!
I'll stand up with you forever!
I'll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!

It's absurd not to eat just because we know we will only die later...

-Lex Juris

"But you don't burn the house if you just want to kill the ants!"
-Lex Juris, trying to grasp what seems to be unfathomable and absurd reason of someone...

"FRIENDSHIP or FRIENDSHIT?"
- Archie, in a casual conversation about dealing with friends.

COFFEE ADDICT

I have really turned into a certified coffee addict....

Kulang nalang dalhin ko na ang coffeemaker sa office..

Ginawa ko ng water ang brewed coffee...

at kulang nalang ganito:

CASE UNCLOSED

I just got a text message from Atty. Arizala, one of my favorite professors in Lawschool also a mentor and a friend that he will be appearing on tv(GMA's Case Unclosed) tomorrow night. I just hope I'll be able to catch that as I usually leave the office early.....early in the morning :(
I wasn't able to watch his guesting on SOCO. Hope this time around I'll be able to watch him in Case Unclosed featuring Vizconde Massacre.
***
Atty. Arizala is one of the Forensics (NBI) in the country. He finished his Medicine (yes he is a doctor) at the University of Sto. Tomas. He finished his Law degree at Arellano University School of Law. He teaches Legal Ethics and Legal Medicine in several Lawschools...San Beda College of Law, Ateneo University School of Law, PCU, Lyceum of the Philippines, and Arellano School of Law to name a few(a few?).

"RELATIONship or relationSHIT?"

First Judge

"The lawyer is the first judge who sits in a case.."

***a matter of wise decision in deciphering the story that the client brings to you and the real story you are dealing with.

Iyak ka lang

" Ok lang umiyak...hindi kabawasan sa matipuno mong pangangatawan"

Sabi ng isang kaibigan, "naaaliw nanaman ako kasi ikaw ang kausap ko...para kasing lahat pwedeng pag-usapan", habang sinasakyan ko ang mga "kagaguhan"....at habang tumatakbo sa kung saan saan ang usapan....Batid kong sa kabila ng pagpapanggap ng kasiyahan may nababalot na kalungkutan.
Ako'y isang kaibigan lamang...nan dito lang para sa isang kaibigan.
Alam kong mahirap ang kanyang pinagdadaanan...
Hindi madali..
Hindi madaling maging matapang at matibay sa kabila ng pagsubok sa buhay...
Lalo na kong batid mo sa sarili mong marami ka ring kahinaang patuloy na nilalagpasan.
Hindi madaling magpigil ng luha...lalo pa't ito'y pabagsak na.
Pero gaano man kahirap...gaano man kabigat kung minsan ay kakayanin mong pasanin para sa mga mahal sa buhay.
Sabi nga nya "wala akong karapatang sumuko"
Alam kong habang sinasabi nya ito...nasasaisip nya ang mga mahal sa buhay na kanyang pinahahalagahan...at ang isang pamilyang pilit na tinataguyod sa kabila ng mga pagsubok.
Madaling matawag na "tatay" pero hindi madaling "maging isang Ama"...
Ang kahinaan ay pilit mong lalagpasan kung ang kapalit nito'y kasiyahan at kapakanan ng mga taong iyong pinahahalagahan...at minamahal

Ngunit sa bandang huli...nananiwala akong lilingunin nya ang nalagpasan ng may pasasalamat.

Kaya mo yan...kapatid

tips?

"Basahin, intindihin..papasa"
"Read the provision...understand and you will pass"

-Atty. L

Baby stuffs

I had a hard time buying baby stuffs. Not only because I just dropped by the nearest mall and I only had an hour to do the shopping...but I really had a difficult time choosing.
Funny coz of being too fickle minded (getting and putting back whatever my hands get), I ended up messing the stuffs on the rack...hehehhe
bottles fell down...some were rolling when reached the ground ...other items were totally misplaced...while I was there, standing and wishing that not a single item would break...otherwise, I know I would go out the mall hard up! (because of paying those broken stuffs)...

Nevertheless, I think I made the best pick!
Everything from "precious moments"...
nice nice!!

Kinda excited! : )

one HAPPINESS...

After these things I don't know how it will go about...BUT I AM THANKFUL..
for the many reasons I just couldn't say...but I am.
I am indeed thankful.
The feeling is unexplainable...
I still wonder how ...
I still wonder why...
but I say a simple prayer of thanks...that finally the dim has ended.

It would be God's Will only on how the story would end...or should I say
how the story would continue.

I just like to pick up the lessons...
there's really nothing to throw away...
nothing to be bitter about.
I just would like to pick the lessons...
and end this with a smile : )

I am happy....that my efforts to bridge the friendship of my two friends is nearing to be reunited.
setting aside any other factor....
I humble myself
setting aside what others might say...
I humble myself..

I am wishing that before christmas this gift will push through...

and that would be one "HAPPINESS" for me.

for the spirit of christmas

It's a good feeling to have been "santa" for a day....
knowing that I would make someone happy...
it doesn't hurt to humble myself.

I'm glad I did it...
I'm glad that I have taken the courage...

see..if intentions are pure and clean...
it's always easy to do something which we thought difficult at first.

Merry Christmas!!!

Once a thing has been done....it can never be undone
once uttered there's no way to take it back
for Life is not a computer...
that with just a click it can bring back whatever it is before...
no it's not..
But life can be remedied...rectified
We can always do something...
to reconstruct whatever has been destroyed..

...and hope that it is never too late to do that.

-Lex Juris

"Cultivate your curiosity.
Keep it sharp and always working.
Consider curiosity your life preserver, your willingness to try something new.
Second, enlarge your enthusiasm to include the pursuit to excellence, following every task through to completion.
Third, make the law of averages work for you.
By budgeting your time more carefully than most people you can make more time available.
Does the combination of curiosity, enthusiasm, and the law of averages guarantee success?
Indeed it does not! ...
Success in the final analysis always involves luck or the element of chance.
Louis Pasteur grasped this well when he said that chance favors the prepared mind."

- John W. Hanley

"If you think that you can think about a thing, inextricably attached to something else, without thinking of the thing it is attached to, then you have a legal mind."

-Henry C. Blinn

why NIGHT and DAY should be not be together...

*** this is one of those children's stories I am intending to make...
I haven't started compiling, though and haven't started doing the drawings...

this one is still subject to some amendments....


I just like to share coz after (re)reading this...i remembered someone.

In the planet of LOVE lived NIGHT and DAY.
They used to be together and never leave each other’s side.
The other part of this planet was DARK,
While the other was BRIGHT.

On the part where DAY lives,
The trees grew in fullness,
The grass was green,
The flowers were blooming and
The fruits were abundantly beautiful to see and luscious to consume.

On the part where NIGHT lives,
The stars glistered like diamonds in the sky.
The moon was at peace with affectionate clouds.
The air was touching with calmness and
The water was in its serenity.

But when the planet of LOVE collided with the planet of HATE,
Both NIGHT and DAY were badly hurt and damaged.
They lose control.
Destruction came in.

On the part where DAY lives,
There was excessive brightness causing the animals’ blindness.
There was extreme heat causing the land to get dry and
Eventually, the trees, grass and flowers died.

On the part where NIGHT lives,
There was extreme darkness,
The stars and the moon were missing.
There was severe coldness and
The water had stopped to flow as it had turned in to ice.
The underwater creatures likewise died.

The goddess of LOVE shed tears with this sight.
She was lost for a moment.
She was broken, anxious, in pain and in deep sorrow.

Goddess of SACRIFICE came to rescue her friend LOVE,
She told NIGHT and DAY that they could not be together anymore in order to save the rest of the planet LOVE.

NIGHT and DAY sobbed in to tears upon hearing this as they do not want to be away from each other.
However, they know that they have to give up their personal happiness….
And so they let go of each other’s hand and obeyed goddess of SACRIFICE.


For now, they are working hard with the inspiration and hope that one day they will be back on each other’s side…and so they do their jobs very well.
They become contended on seeing each other when NIGHT ends his work and the DAY’S job has to start…or vice versa.
And so for every chance they have….they make it worthwhile…but they know that for now, until the planet of LOVE recovers, they have to follow what goddess of SACRIFICE asked them to do.

Soulmate is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations.

-wikipedia.


I think I've found mine....
Pero sayang sabi nila ang soul mate daw di nagkakatuluyan...

Cai, Cel, Lenny and Best friend Jo....where's Roche?Lara?Rizza?hmmm...

Sa Library...

Cel: Kuya Odie ang gwapo pala ni Atty. Villaseca
Odie: Naku! talaga naman oh (batanggeno accent)
Cel: Di nga...kamukha siya ni Cesar M.
Odie: Asus! Buti pa ang iba eh nasasabihan mong kamukha ng artista...paano naman kaming mga kaibigan mo eh
Cel: Ikaw naman...O di sge may kamukha ka din naman artista ah...
Odie: (gumapang ang smile sa mukha) Aba eh sinu naman bah ah?
Cel: Rudy F. (sa ngayon)...hehehehe O cge pano iwan ko muna gamit ko kain lang kami ni Jeremy.

"Eh kung ikaw nalang kaya tanggalin ko sa buhay ko! Para kang plema, balik ka ng balik"
-Bj

I have a feeling I will be called for tomorrow's recit....
I really wish to go home!

-Anxious!

face to face (part 2)

I have just read my previous entry "face to face"...
chills crawling down my spines today...as tomorrow I shall meet him face to face..
the bad thing is !!!!! I am not prepared!-YET!
I am now anxious....
thinking how could I squeeze time...
If only I could freeze it for a moment...then I'll take advantage!
I better read till I finish the whole thing later... "no sleeping!" that's a bitter consequence!

Being liked

Being liked gives a person a certain responsibility or obligation to become a better person. It is a privilege to be liked by someone as we can not please everyone.

I must say that I am lucky to be liked by kids.
(Nephews, nieces, "inaanaks", cousins, neighbors...and other kids in full context)
I would wake up with kids jumping around making some noise eager to see me getting up from my bed. One kid would turn on the light and another would shout at my ear....yeah they could be that mean :( but since they are kids, they can get away from my nags and sharp looks....just because they are kids.
If you live in our house, it's a "no-no" to wake me up in the middle of my deep sleep. Reason that is, I have only few hours to spend sleeping and those few hours are very much precious to me and is non-negotiable.

One time, I kidded Aira, saying I couldn't be her ninang in her "Kumpil(confirmation)" but instead I would be for her ate.
She cried and went out our house. We thought she's just going home but when my mother followed her...she was outside near a tree and crying. She didn't talk to me despite hours of negotiation (that I would buy her sponge bobs etc and etc) . After a while, she mumbled " hindi na kita gigisingin!" then she cried again..."hindi na kita ninang! ate na lang".
Then, I've realized that their "waking-me-up" must have meant so much to them that they won't do that to someone they don't like or care less. Translated in another word, "concern or care".
I was touched!
After few hours we were okay. Thereafter, I made them home-made and my version of "Starbucks Mocha Frappe". They were, again, engrossed with my must-have coffeemaker and starbucks house blend coffee and the way I put creams, milk, chocolate and sugar altogether.
They listen everytime I tell them to wait till three o'clock before they can drink it (even if it is past three). Soon they will be convinced to sleep. Once awaken they would race to open the ref and get the chilled coffee (which they called "ice cream").

It is nice to see how they get delighted whenever they see me in the house...because I usually went home late. They would shout and jump and would compete just to stay beside me as if they were irons and I am magnet. They would do things voluntarily or even without me asking...as if they were under my spell hehehe (such as getting this or that).
I remember they would always ask me when do will I have no "pasok" since maybe they notice that most of the time I had to go to work (my excuse) even weekends.

It is moving to hear from a kid while looking straight my eyes, with a shy smile, but with a sincere heart, saying " Thank you po kasi sinama mo kami".
I heard that twice in different incident from Maica, who obviously had fun during my treat.
I would normally promise them that I would take them out in this and that place on this and that date....and I would make time to do that promise whenever my schedule turns okay. (Because they say kids who used to get broken promises become Liars)
We normally tag them along when there is family outing or gathering...as if they are already part of our family. They would encircle the date in their calendar and count the days as it nears.
They would dress up nicely prepared and wake up earlier.

They are both addicted in staying in our house chit chatting and joking around with my parents.
The moment they wake up and after they came from school...and before they sleep they are in our house.

I would receive a call late at night(which I was not supposed to get as I normally don't accept calls in the house for some weird reason) either from anyone of them...just saying "goodnight" or asking the same questions they have asked few minutes before their father called them to go home.

When my shift was still 12pm-9pm, they would wait for me before they would sleep. I would hear thin pitch of shouting voice whenever I arrive and would see two kids jumping with big smiles and they would run hurriedly to me, thereafter.

It's a good feeling to know that aside from my pamangkins, these kids like me too.
Also, I somehow feel a certain sense of moral obligation to be a good example to them. I feel guilty whenever out of impulsive reactions, anger or uncontrolled emotions I show unpleasant attitude in front of them. I try to be conscious whenever kids are around to be extra careful with the words that I will use;to be careful on my facial expressions and tone of voice as I don't want them to look at it as okay or acceptable, knowing that they see me as someone to look up to.
Kids would sometimes mimic our styles and ways of speaking. They would mimic our expressions and eventually, without us knowing...they already have adapted our personalities and characters.
They say "Character is contagious".
It is good only if ours is worth catching.
It would be unfair for these kids if I would knowingly or unknowingly influence them with the things I should have discarded long before.

More than being liked, I guess it would be a lot nicer feeling to see how you have influenced those who look up to you to be a good and better individual.
Being liked..more than a privilege is an obligation. :)

EVIDENCE CLASS

I was so fascinated with my Evidence subject the other day. Setting aside the fact that I always have an admiration for trial lawyers because of the way they ask questions during the court processings/cross examination (which I think must be a gift enhanced with a certain degree of passion to the profession and of course "preparation"), my professor in said subject is really good.

I immediately remembered another professor who is, by the way, a successful trial lawyer...he once said during a court proceeding "Passion is the Hallmark of sincerity!" (with a loud tap of his closed-fist on the table). He uttered this when the presiding judge called his attention, which luckily the latter bought hehehe. Great! I think...at least there was a creative, if not better, explaination why he should not be in contempt. Being articulate and persuasive at the same time could really put one counsel a step far behind others.


My professor, who is a successful trial lawyer, possesses these skills and every time he speaks- it makes me wish to also possess that moderate tone of voice that he has...his articulate play words and his surprising, clever, deep and deceiving way of thinking and asking.
He shares that more than anything else..."preparation" really matters. More than the knowledge of the law there are other things which a trial lawyer must know....and that will set one apart from a non-lawyer. Everybody can just read and study the elements of a crime, of the new special laws, of codal provisions and of legal updates...but of course there are still "other" things that makes one different from the other...otherwise, everybody could just be a lawyer.

As the Rules of Court defines it, "It is a means sanctioned(of this rules), of ascertaining in a judicial proceedings the truth respecting a matter of fact".
I know I have to make good at this subject( as I think this is the heart of the profession). Our court is a passive court and thus status of a case depends on the pieces of evidence presented and admitted. The prosecution has the burden of proof to convict beyond reasonable doubt and in order to do that, the prosecution must establish the guilt, otherwise, the case could be dismissed. In establishing the guilt, evidence will of course play vital role whether it is a real, testimonial or documentary. It will really play an important role in ascertaining the truth. However, the court is concerned not on the "actual truth" but rather on the "legal truth"...at times a homicide could be a murder or vise versa.


Both of my professor's parents are lawyers and have bought the first and second edition of the set of books of Proof of Facts. When he became a lawyer he bought the third and the fourth edition. Said books are good references, such that it will tell one how to conduct a cross examination depending on the profession or other circumstances of a person/subject. Just for instance, how to make a widow (who is claiming for damages for the death of her spouse) laugh through the questions. How to ask someone who is good at this and that. How to ask someone who has attained higher education and one who hardly know how to read and write.
Quite interesting, right?

It made me now realized that I shouldn't stop "knowing" different kinds of people...of different area or field....of different status of life...of different gender or preferences. Knowing how one thinks, feels, acts and speaks is not only one way of developing one's personality but likewise one's profession.

I have come to accept that people will always have something to say about someone...about something and nobody escapes from that - not even the President, right?

In a big circle with a small dot, the dot always enjoys the attention.

People's opinion if taken seriously could be helpful in improving oneself...but once you have taken it beyond what you can just take, then it becomes dangerous.
Believe me, it can eat you...slowly but surely.

It is not that we shall become numb about criticism...just that we should accept that it is but part of everyones life. It's not ONLY you.
I guess, if you want to make a difference...try to manage it well. Without you compromising your identity and without you being a people pleaser.

Stay grounded.
Spend much time knowing yourself more than knowing others.
For if you know yourself...and you feel good about what you have come to know...
then nobody can just ruin you.

Being True..or Being Apathetic?

I came across a blog (of my former schoolmate...) and there's this one phrase, which although I forgot the verbatim, the message lingers to me and remains fresh in my mind.
She has always been someone I looked up to eversince we were schoolmate...I find her personality very strong, unpretentious, adventurous, sharp, grounded, witty and intelligent. I know she is not an "ordinary girl".
If I was a guy...she's the kind of lady I would want to pursue.

I happened to read few of her entries...
In one of her entries she wrote that in her pursuit to know herself she thought that - doing the things she wanted to do, saying things she wanted to say and acting without any consideration of other people is right and justified by being "TRUE" to oneself. But then, later in life she realized...IT IS NOT.

It struck me!
Yes...she has a point.
We are responsible not only with ourselves but likewise with other people. Our right to express ourselves (disregarding the rights, privacy, feelings of other people) is NOT ABSOLUTE.
Somewhere in between it should be restricted.
Once a word has been uttered...once something has been done it can neither be erased nor undone.
It's there already...the marks are there.
Our apology may ease it...but it shouldn't be an excuse. Otherwise, it could only be a vicious cycle - of saying sorry and doing what has been done for the second and nth time.

Let us not be apathetic...we are not living alone in this world.
More than our egos, pride and self-filling-up-those-emptiness...there are people who could be hurt, damaged, destroyed or affected along the way...

Bookmates

Joey and I are working on with a project.
It's basically a compilation of our writings; essays, poems, jokes, anecdotes and the likes. Hopefully by next year will be able to have it published. We still have yet to think of the title, though...but I'm quite excited as JJ is.
As JJ would say; " Oras na para gisingin ang artistic side"... :)
I'll try much as I can to squeeze this in my seemingly jampacked schedule...

BOTE

This year has been a lot meaningful to me, not only with the blessings that have been given, but also because I have found new good friends along the way....and one of them is Archie.

I never really thought that we would hit off as friends. Never in my mind it (ever) crossed that I would found a good friend in Chie. Hindi dahil sa Aries sya at Taurus ako hahahaha...(coz napakaseldom na may nakakasundo akong Aries for some reason which I myself do not understand as well)...well maybe because I just thought we were different in sooo many ways. But then, I thought wrong!!!
We may not be completely the same...but hey! in some point and for some reason we can relate to each other very WELL (...good or bad; weird or normal; sane or insane).

We were schoolmates since gradeschool (to highschool) but just to note-we were never classmates.
I remember that we never even had the chance to have even just a small talk through all those years....and yeah that's all I remember, aside from the fact that I never had any fond memories of my highschool or gradeschool years...really(with emphasis on that point).
I must admit that I was the geek type, if not someone who has her own world and doesn't want anybody to meddle with it...otherwise "sasamain talaga!"- especially boys!
Mataray...masungit...may sariling mundo - to perfectly describe it!
Well perhaps because I was going through a lot during those times...
Chie, on the other hand, belongs to a popular group that time.
Sila yung mga tipo ng student na palaging nakikita sa prefect of discipline...
yung mga nagcucutting classes..
tumatawid sa simbahan...para makatakas
nagtatago sa rooftop...at kung anu anung ginagawa
yung palaging laman ng mga "contest"....sayaw, laro or even Mr & Ms. Something....
yung puro ligaw at barkada at kalokohan....
(hahahaha...sobrang paninira na ito ah)

But I've realized...we have to know where everyone is coming from para makilala natin tlaga ang isang tao..
We have to atleast open their closet(with their permission at least) or just to know them personally...before we can even say A WORD about a person...
But come to think of it...we still have no right...to judge.
I bet no one wants to be judged as well..

Just to recall how it all started, us being friends, it's started with YM's technology.
Yeah chat! Then we met up over lunch with another friend (Roche).
Then we had a drinking spree after office.
and minsan mga one-on-one...
(Something I miss doing now!)

Chie, is one of the very few people who is not afraid to be himself.
Isa siya sa mga lalaking masasabi kong walang "pretention"...
He is not afraid to ask for help...he is not afraid to show his weaknesses...and I guess that's one true measure of being a "MAN"....and indeed I find it very COOL.
One thing I admire him is how he values his family....
He has a good and open relationship with his parents (unico ijo) and his own family.
He became a father at an early age but he didn't make it as an excuse not to be a good "Padre de Pamilya"...coz I tell you...He is a responsible one.
He remains to be a loyal husband....and a very loving father to his two beautiful kids.
alam kung maraming temptation itong kaibigan kung ito...(di natin masisisi may itsura eh!)
but one thing good about him...he knows how to handle such.
He knows his way "HOME"...literally and figuratively as he is not the type who would sacrifice it just for wordly or damn senseless reasons...and I really admire him for that.
He is not the "stereotype" kind....he may look like someone who will not do any good but hey! I dissent!...he is one gentleman and a true bro! One True Friend...
Masarap ibestfriend 'tong taong ito kasi he's not the type who would befriend you for some vested interest or selfish reason...papakisamahan ka nya...regardless of anything else.
He is very reliable...if he has nothing to give, he'll sure find a way to help you in your need.
Some would comment negative against him...but the hell I care. He is one friend worth keeping!
He's someone who can give you an insane advice...that will somehow make you sane (very oxymoron...but it's true!) ...may mga point sa mga pajoke na payo nya...
may mga sense sa akala mong walang kwentang ideas nya...
no sugar coating...
straight to the point...
blunt but true...
daring but mapapaisip ka...that's really a way to happiness...
simple yet practical...
This man is profound in some ways...
Rational on the other side.
One thing nice about him ay hindi sya nagsasawa sa pakikinig. He never get tired of his friend's whines and complains about everything and anything...kinig lang yan...and payo kit paulit ulit nalang kayo. He has that much patience, to begin with.
Magugulat ka nalang you're laughing in the middle of your conversation...kahit na nga ba nakamind set ka ng "emote mode".

In one way or another...I feel that he was God's way of helping me to get out from a certain situation, which I shouldn't be in to.
I feel that our meeting has a certain purpose...
Perhaps, Chie was just used by God as an instrument for me to learn a lesson - saving me from learning it the harder way...
I will never forget the time we were in Starbucks(that was few hours after we had lunch..on our first meeting after ten years) yung nagopen sya ng story nya...and I feel wow parang isang maingay na alarm clock na gumising sa aking pagkakatulog.
It's as if his story fitted what I was going through (some sort of dark clouds) that time....
Thereafter, I've realized ..."this is a clear message -what God wanted me to do".
and I'm proud of myself to have followed it...

I always believe that....everyone has their own stories to tell...and every story that each one has...is meant to move, if not teach, someone else's life.
and I guess, in someway...his story has in a way taught me something...


Time indeed is not a measure of a true, strong and lasting friendship...
and I've learned that further when I've met Chie.


Truly our friendship is way beyond cases of beer... :)

cai and tope

My friend, Cai, is getting married this coming Dec. 18 (2008). She'll arrive from Vienna at Dec. 6 ...and I guess, she'll leave in January.

I don't know that much about Cai and Tope's love story... all I know is that Tope is God's answer to Cai's prayer. Let me share one story (that I must say has inspired me much) that cai had told me before. Pardon me (Cai) for my own interpretation...

Cai was walking one day...heading towards her house. Tired and exhausted, probably from work...or probably from some other things.

Cai: "Lord, pagod na ko...sana naman dumating yung time may ibang tao naman ang mag-alaga sa akin...." ( I wonder if she was also sighing deeply).

But of course it's not like any fairytale story that a prince charming riding on a horse would suddenly cross her way or pop out the scene...

So how did she meet Tope? - First Time

Tope and Cai were highschool classmates before at San Isidro Catholic School. Tope was Cai's secret crush. Unknown to Cacai, Tope was likewise crushing on her...just that he couldn't make a move as Cai had a boyfriend that time (who happened to be Tope's friend).

Time flew and they had not heard from each other.

They travelled their own path.

So how did she meet Tope? - Second Time

Whenever I ask Cai about this, she doesn't seem to be shy about it and doesn't hide the fact that she somehow initiated the meeting. With the technology and the help of Friendster...they were able to find each other's hand.

She then invited (I guess that time Cai was testing her courage) him to attend at Riza's niece's Bday at Mcdo (imagine children's party).

...and so the rest is history.

Distance didn't hinder their relationship. Cai is in Vienna and Tope is here in the Philippines.

I guess what they have a great foundation...and that is they improved first their personal relationship with God...and THEIR relationship thereafter.

I am happy for Cai and Tope.

I am at peace that Cai and Tope ended up together...for I know they will take good care of each other.

.....to be continued

"But as he proceeds on his journey, he realizes that the people to whom he did not behave correctly always cross his path again. It is his chance to right the wrong he did them, and he always,unhesitatingly, seizes the chance ..." -Paulo Coelho, Warrior of Light.

You're my best friend's Lyrics...

Many people say true friendsare hard to findBut I know I'm not that kindThey come and go andsometimes leave us behindLike a wind that passes byChorus(Cause)When you need a friendThat you can dependYou can count on me becauseyou're my best friendWhen you're feeling downAnd your heart is hurtYou can call on me andi'll be there for you friendGood things may come and thenbad things may goLike a birth a long time agoYou're like the ship that's sailingacross the seaTo the waves that's so unkind...

LAST WILLS...at last!

There's so many things that I should be thankful about.
I had a vacation, may not be that grant but hey! at least I had.
I had the chance to visit a church few weeks ago....very good!
ENROLLED AKO! but of course!
claim it ...and you'll get it!
which means I don't have problems with anything...money, time and grades!
I was not supposed to enrol on the scheduled date as I went out of my budget last week and spent so much the other week thinking that the enrollment schedule would fall next week...I am such a mushroom! ( i have just learned this word...hehehe...which means "left in the dark". Pardon me if I am the only person who doesn't know this....can't blame me i'm such a MUSHROOM!well, at times)
going back... hehehe : )
so there...my friend lent me last tuesday through her mom (since she's out of the country).
I was not supposed to get the money as I was expecting my money would be credited on the same week (TRUE enough it came two days after I got the money from my friend's mom)...but her mom was kind enough (too kind) to insist that I should get it. I took it despite the fact that I didn't feel that comfortable...but I just didn't want her mom to feel bad of rejecting her help (who am I?)
I was crossing the street heading towards the school with heart almost on my throat.
I was as edgy as a "husband waiting outside the delivery room"...
But I held on the thought that if it's not really for me, then why would God make a way (even if I wasn't asking for it).
Time was running out....
it was a long line of students waiting for verdicts...
my number was 52(second batch).
I saw a former classmate and had a small talk with her....her number was 99 (first batch) and she was there the last day and went back that day as she wasn't able to make it until 2am (yes the enrollment lasted till that time...what a!)
Looking at all the students patiently waiting outside the dean's office....it made me feel depressed all the more.
I went near the glass window...
after five minutes...my name was called! (hehehe sometimes I really can be that damn lucky!)
I think my envelope was mistakenly put on top of someone else's ....whatever!? It's a blessing in disguise, nonetheless.
After I was evaluated...I enrolled right a way...with no sweat at all. No negotiation whatsoever....hehehe
Thank Goodness I passed WILLS as I can not afford to repeat it...not this time when my QPI and GWA are in great peril.
my grades are fine....and i'm happy about it. wheeeeewwww!

and so I must FACE this coming sem with so much courage and confidence.

face to face

dejavu?...nope! it isn't!
I must have gained so much courage from the past that deep inside me, without further convincing, Iam certain and ready to meet him....once again!
"hit me baby one more time!" as Britney Spear's song once wrongly inspired me (us)...
but definitely I shall NOT give him the LUXURY to hit me sooo badly..NEVER!!!!
I should have learned my lesson well...this time around.
And that is not to give other people the chance to take away the only thing I have
....HOPE, that is.
I sense everything is in my favor
...circumstances have never been this good to me
and I have the feeling I'm getting there...

BUT of course...I can not just rely MERELY on my senses
I still believe that fruits taste good when it came from a hard labor...
I have recouped and so there's no turning back, no hesitation
i'm just going forward.

different now..

When I look in to your eyes I can feel the coldness inside…
I can tell by the way you stare that so much has changed.
Too bad that after all the good times…
It has to end just like this.
But I guess…it’s a truth I am compelled to face and
Hopefully, sooner or later, I will learn to accept.

I have been trying to avoid thoughts that would lead me to you.
Thoughts that will bring back the memories of good times shared,
Of care once given and
Of the smiles and laughter once caused in each other’s life.
But there are really times that I miss you…and I can’t help myself not to dwell.
I miss being with you - being with the OLD you.

It is sad that all this time it still makes me cry
Knowing that it wouldn’t be like it was before…
That no matter how much I try…
It just couldn’t be like it was…

Although letting-you-go is something I have conditioned my self long time ago,
I would be lying if I say “it has been easy now”…because it is not.
But it is something I know…I’ll learn to do and time will help me…I believe so.

I would like to think it is better off this way.
I know you can not give what you think I deserve…
But just so you’d know…I never really expected anything
Even from the beginning…
Everything I have felt…I have felt that without any condition whatsoever.
Everything that I did…I have done out of the intention to make you happy.
No other reason…but to even somehow touch your heart and keep it away from pain.

If there were times I’ve acted out of where I should only stand…
If there were times that I’ve said words I should not have…
If there were times I’ve tested your patience, understanding and sanity…
If there were times I’ve caused chaos in your tranquility…
If there were times I’ve caused aches…intentional and unintentional
…I am deeply sorry.

I am no longer hoping for anything…
If anything good happens
It will happen…perhaps for a reason
But I will neither do something nor push things…
…I just want to move forward.


Life is short to hurt the ones important to us…
The world is small to burn any bridges…
I am happy that I have come to know someone like you.
Years may pass…
And though things have changed a lot…
Something will always remain…no matter what.