yehey!!!

Got good news to break...

Yep!!! It's no longer REVERSE. It's finally ONSHORE MIGRATION...which means to say...I'm going to germany!!! : )

Until now I'm still praying...praying very hard...and trying to absorb things...I really can't believe it! True God make things possible.

I can't hold my excitement....!!!

My stopover would be Abu Dhabi...

During the weekends...I'm planning to go to Paris, Italy, Vienna (to visit cai and hopefully she'll accompany me to Slovakia and Hungary-budapest), Belgium and if lucky enough Swit. But of course I'll do my best to explore Germany...particularly Frankfurt.

I took a leave at school....only for this sem. I'll enroll next year, though.

Kaboommm!!!

Here I am again....I'm back!

I miss this...
I find it so funny that I only get to visit here everytime I suddenly thought of visiting my friend's funny blogsite...
Is he still visiting this site? I guess hindi na cguro....

Anyhow, updates updates (so crazy updating this...wala naman ibang nagbabasa kungdi ako hahah)

Migration going to Germany didnt push through...not meant for me. But my new project (Reverse Migration) will push through this Oct. 26... parang may event sa 27...hmmm

I miss my netbook...got to get it na this week.

Thank you sa itouch ko for accompanying me every lonely nights.

It has been such an undescribable month for me... grabe!!! Nakakaloka. --> un na yun!

I'm praying naman..so I guess God knows better...im lifting everything to Him..
Pinakamahirap tlagang kalaban ang sarili at emosyon....
Nakakasawa nang magpigil...all my life I needed to keep up with darn standards that other people have set for me...
"That's not you!" " That's so you"..."wag na tigil na" "ang talino mo pero tanga ka pagdating dyan..." blah blah blah....
What they don't know...this is me...I don't care who the person is...I don't care what other people think of the person...when I care...I care. When I feel...I feel regardless of....
It's so hard...coz you're in the middle of not wanting other people to be disappointed...and not disappointing yourself.. But most of the time I end up disappointing nalang myself...

I don't know how this has started...but the hardest part is how to end this.
It's easy to say...just stop.
But i've figured out...it isnt that easy to do.
Been here...and not im going through it again..

Been ages...

Admittedly, I got hooked up with FB..that I almost forgot that I have blogsite, which obviously I suddenly left behind.. Sorry naman :(

Eversince I bought my Net book early this year, I got addicted to writing "notes" in my FB. I have compiled all the entries few weeks ago...and was surprised to learn that I can almost start a lil book...I also am maintaining notes (which I didnt publish in my FB) in my Itouch. I wrote them during those times "i'm-not-okay"..if not during the times "im-trying-to-be-okay".

My life has been such a roller coaster ride...oneday there's flowers and sunshine...the next day I'm all bruised up and wounded...the next week new characters just coming in and even before the week ends...some of them are missing. Oneday there's opportunity..the next day there's a loss...or vice versa. Sometimes, I would wake up with a very fast beating of my heart...as fast as how things are happening in my life. But come to think of it...I wouldnt be able to write anything if my life is just so plain, simple and boring...I wouldnt be able to learn something each day...AND SO I'M STILL THANKFUL, DESPITE THE FACT!!!.

I was just reminded to have a heart to visit my site...just now. After visiting a blogsite of a friend (whom by the way I would want to invite in FB coz I read in his site that he's also becoming an FB addict) It has been months since the last time I visited his site. It's a funny site that would make you laugh, if not smile, after reading all those entries. Quite a therapy to get away from stress.

I am happy that because of this blogging addiction and FB addiction I was able also to inspire and encourage some friends to write...just like my partner Joey. I've encouraged him to blog..and to create FB account...He has written so many entries in his notes...all for his wife (whom by the way is clueless that he has been writting so many sweet things about her). Joey plans, to have it printed oneday...he will give this on their first anniversary as husband and wife. How sweet!!! : )
Just so sad..that just this week FB is officially blocked in Partner Joey's office...so wala na akong dakilang kausap dun at tiga payo at tiga comment sa mga status at postings ko! Sayang! tsk tsk tsk...I wonder what's gonna happen in our "forum"...katapusan na nun. But I hope we'll be able to finish (ehem start pla) our project...BOOK!!! entitled Partners Cel & Joey....sounds family?? hehehe... I hope we'll be able to do that.
I have announced (unofficially) that I'm releasing my book before the year ends... some even asked for hard bound... I was taken aback...on how I would finance it hehe... and so I might just print it out...have it binded (sa gilid ng Vitocruz hehe) and give it to those who would take time to read my book.

"Adik na nga ako sa FB"...yep!! I must admit that... pero may isa pang bagay na i'm getting hook up. I could not get him out my system...kahit ilang beses ko ng sabihin sa self ko. ARrrrgggghhh...I just couldn't understand why feelings could this be so stubborn...
and so...sge enjoy nalang muna. Happy naman....but the question is...until when I should stop this craziness....when I know naman at the end...we will have to let go each other.. (here am I again...NEGA)... so kahit alam kong ayaw nila...cge lang...Im happy...kahit mapuyat...cge lang...kahit masaktan...cge lang...sometimes I could really be this...crazy!!! I'm happy being with him...happy talking...happy just saying nothing. Hindi ko na iisipin if happy rin sya....okay na un. I won't ask if he's true and sincere...okay na un. I'm just living with moment's passion. Im seizing the day. I'm risking....this time.

One thing I'm looking forward this year...MIGRATION!!! yep!
I hope this will push through....if not, okay lang....it means God doesn't want me to stop my schooling for the meantime...
But I want also to spend my Xmas there...with the snow : )
Bahala na... :) Just like im doing everyday...I'm just courageously going with the flow...

Oneday...I'll take the time to post all my entries in FB.

Ciao!!!

random thoughts...about life

In life you will meet alot of people who will play important roles in your life. Some may inspire you to achieve your goals and dreams. Some may drag you down to join them in their miseries. Some may say 'you can' while others would just say 'you just can't'. Some may even criticize you, condemn you and judge you as if they know every little thing about you. Call you names and forget about all the good things that you have done. Some may be proud of what you have become and what you have been achieving. Some may just wait for your defeat. Some may teach you to yield your strengths while some would just take advantage of your weaknesses. Be careful and be vigilant in showing your vulnerable side as it can be used against you or to your own danger and disadvantage. Sometimes, it does not only pay to choose your ground as it is likewise pays to choose the people within that 'ground'. Know the difference between 'good' and 'nice'. Some may be nice but not necessarily good. Be good to yourself and be good to others. People will always have something to say and be sure you are ready to hear all those things irrespective of whether it will favor you or not. Accept that you can not please everyone, but it still pays to be nice. Be nice to everyone and be sure that you know when to set your limitations. Say the words 'i love you' and 'i care' to those who are deserving of it. Do not deprive them the chance to know what you feel. Do not fool yourself with what you want to hear as against what you are actually hearing. Sometimes others tend to say what they do not mean. Do not manipulate other's emotions and make sure that you won't allow your emotions to be manipulated as well. Guard yourself to possible robbers and thieves. Do not abuse other's kindness. Do not let yourself to be abused. Stand up where you fall and pick up the your own mess. Do not go on blaming. It is true that a wound creates a mark. But life gives us chances and it is wise to use them rather than wallow and dwell on what we have missed. Do not regret. Move forward and there's no turning back. Happiness is not seen on what is lacking. Do not dwell much on what you do not have. It will just make you envious and ungrateful. Taking a risk is taking a chance to learn and to be happy...and the pains, bruises and hurts along the way are the learnings of the past. Forget the mistakes and mishaps. Get over and learn from it. You are not perfect but your imperfection should never be an excuse to decide and commit mistakes. Respect yourself and your life. Respect doesn't come first from others. It should start within you. Do not expect that when you give it to others, respect will be given back to you. It is not always the case. Sometimes even the people who deserve the most respect do not get the same. But never forget to give it, though. Forgive others and forgive yourself. If you are nursing grudges in your heart, then do not expect to have peace of mind. Still, the greatest revenge is to have a better life. Do not burn bridges. Do not start the fight. But in case, you are there already do not run away. Learn to be responsible in your duties and obligations but never forget to be passionate. Never make promises you know you can not keep. Be sincere with your dealings. But never forget to loosen up at times. Try to laugh and be crazy for a day. Try to smile and make someone else do the same. Read good books and meet new people...you will learn a lot and will realize that the greatest lessons in life are not really taught in school. Set a goal and do something to achieve it. Resources will just be coming in if you really decide. God always provides even before you ask. Dream, love and trust. If you fail, never get tired to do the same but be wise enough to strategize. Value your relationship with others. But most importantly...value your relationship with God coz when everything fails and when everyone is not there...you can gracefully live this so called Life..knowing that God is with you....
Treasure life every minute that you have it! : )

here i am again...playing dumb and fool...
i guess i will never understand why certain feelings havent changed...even if it shouldnt stay
i have nothing to hope for...for the hope had passed me by...
the truth has been set out...offered...laid down my table
but i kept denying it for so long...only because i could not bear the pain of losing him in my life...
if loving him in silence is the only consolation...and the only way to keep him i'd do that wholeheartedly
i'd be lying if i'd say im no longer hoping...my faith is rallying inside and asking God another chance...bargaining
here i am again....pushing things

Preparation and waiting

I always cling to the idea that God is preparing the right one for me. That whoever that person is, perhaps God is improving him before giving him to me. What a self-serving thought!
Lately, i've experienced another heartache.

I was bitter for a week. Irritated..grumpy and bitch!!!
It was a 'lil painful this time because I thought everything was falling perfectly on its proper place. I thought that it was long overdue...but was worth the wait.

But all these things were wrong, if not misconception.

It was overdue and premature ...quite an oxymoron? Let me explain..as i go along...
Nevertheless, it was a perfect time for me to ponder and look within me to know where the problem is coming from....was it me or the other person again?
I was in denial to say it's me...as blaming is more than easy.
But truth as they say would set you free.. and so I looked for more answers.

More than preparing the person for me...I guess God wants me to be prepared..when the right one comes along.
Rather than thinking that the person for me is being prepared, I should take a step to look into my own shortcomings and improve the person that i am...
I will forever lose those that come along my way if I don't how to love and care for myself.
Only then I will realize who to keep and who to let go...
if i love myself, i will let other people to love me...
...and will not hurt the one that loves me..or the one I love.

....

im writing again with so much emotions inside me that i can't contain and control...thoughts are running rapidly and i don't know how to organize...but i'll try to make sense out of it...pardon if i'd fail...
my tears been hiding behind my eyes and it's painful to the throat as well...i wanted to hug my bestfriend/cousin before she went inside the departure area...but for some reason i did not.
i know i will miss her.
my tears been hidind behind my eyes and it's painful to the throat as well when i saw my two cousins embracing the other day...bidding goodbyes. I saw the other one welling with tears overwhelmed by the goodness one did for her through these trying times...and i saw the other controlling her tears and trying to make things light....i turned back and wiped my tears.
i'm happy with the recent news...that my nephew had a successful chemo treatment and that the bad cells had gone...God is good! Prayers are still needed for the continous fast recovery. My thanks to the many people who have said their sincere prayers.
I hope it is not too late for me to ever finally decipher what i have been feeling for the past few weeks...now that i finally know i hope fate won't play with me....i'm afraid of bein' hurt once more.
I'm doing my part as the others would say i need to do...if this would fail this time...it's not gonna be my fault.

i have browsed the complete list of new lawyers for the year...
i saw familiar names.
i'm happy and at the same time a lil edgy about the idea of "me" taking the bar.
i'm having goosebumps more than ever!
i can say i am not equipped yet...but i am aware that this is a normal feeling every lawstudent feels.
i know it is too premature for me to feel this way as "taking the bar" is really far from my status right now..
13 more subjects i need to hurdle...
more money i need to burn...
more strength and determination i need to squeeze from myself..
more prayers to say
more challenges i need to surpass with flying colors...
more people to include in my network
more experiences to learn....
God will make a way....I know
I just can't afford to fail those who are believing in me...including myself
I am inspired by the many people I want to help in getting this dream...

just now...

i miss this kind of moment...
moment to be with myself...alone...yet not lonely.
im enjoying the new workplace as we finally moved to a different location...im loving the place.

many thoughts are running in my mind tonight...

• like it's really important to value relationship because during dark days...those whom you have valued will show all the care and support. It's important to value relationship...just that do not expect that those whom you have valued will show the same. It is still a no-no to expect.but generous and sincere care can surely melt one's heart.
• I'm glad that i was brought up close to my relatives. I love my cousins, my tito's and tita's and my pamangkins so much...i love them all my life. In times of adversities...our family is the only thing that we can really lean on. tried and tested!
• I used to cry over people who never even showed love...not even the slightest care. I grew up praying for them to love me. I grew up wishing them to like me. I grew up hoping they just will not hate me. And then I grew up loving the people they love and not expecting anymore for anything...Now, I've proven that God answers prayers...in perfect time.
• I know it's such a cliche' but its applicability in our daily lives could save us from anxiety..."There is a reason for everything..."
• ....and lastly, I am now convinced to give someone a chance not because of something else...but because I trust God's plans...and I'm lifting everything on Him.

silent for a while...

haven't created an entry for a while...
I have been busy with the coming of my cousins from Dubai..
..foreclosure problems...(which I have been carrying out for a year or two...now it suddenly exploded...)
and lately..looking for a foundation for my nephew.
My nephew (from my first cousin), 3 yr old smart and cute little angel, was diagnosed with Leukemia.
It was a bad news that caught everyone in different emotions.

Until now...i am out of words...much more are my cousins...and my nephew's parents.


I am thankful for my friends who have showed support and concern.
For those who have prayed...
and still praying for his fast recovery.

thanks...

They say "you can not serve two masters at the same time"...

I totally agree that it's hard to do so.... but "the can't" is but a relative word.

It is not totally impossible to do both if you have the passion and determination.

Though, I often wonder how life would be less complicated, not to mention stressful, should I only be studying and not working at the same time.  

I know and I imagine how much time I could devout then to my second course and the probability of excelling all the more in the later field.  

However, I could not forgo the perks which i I also enjoy "with being employed".  Such that as a working student, monthly salary has been serving as the means of subsidizing my studies and sustaining the lifestyle that I have.

It is hard to juggle everything, but I must admit that it makes the journey not only challenging...but fulfilling as well.

Ganon talaga

"Sinasabi ko minsan na itigil na to...katulad ng sinasabi ng marami.  Kahibangan.  Katangahan.  Pero kung paano ko gagawin hindi ko alam.  Ang alam ko lang sinusunod ko lang kung anung sinasabi ng nararamdaman ko.  Maliban doon...hindi ko na alam.  Gustuhin ko man.  Hindi ko magawa."

they say that God listens to our prayers...even before we say it, he knows what our heart desires...

i know God knows my prayer...

SO WHAT?!

after all these years...

i never get tired....

why would i?

guess they will never understand why...

should i care?

i have given up controlling what i feel...

it doesn't make me any happy...

now im just taking the risk

giving without receiving...and becoming happy out of it....no matter how ridiculous it may seem to be.

i won't care if this will cause me pain...again

i've been there so many times...and i've manage to get up...why should i be afraid now?

there's no learning...there's no rationalizing of things...

because at the end of the day...it is not your reason that shall prevail...

IT IS WHAT YOU FEEL...

and i don't want to live a life full of "what if" 

for once...

i just wanna be true to myself...

Listenin' to NEVER BE THE SAME

It was good for me
It was good for you
Now nothing either of us can say or do
Can change the way you feel tonight
Sometimes love just slips out of sight

Just one thing before you go
Just one thing that you've got to know
No one will ever touch me that way
The way that you did that very first day


And I'll
Never be the same without you here
I'll live alone
Hide myself behind my tears
And I'll
Never be the same without your love
I'll live alone
Try so hard to rise above


The years go by
There's always someone new
To try and help me forget about you
Time and again it does me no good
Love never feels the way that it should


I loved you then I guess I'll love you forever
And even though I know we could never stay together
I think about how it could have been
If we could just start all over again


It was good for me
It was good for you
Now nothing either of us can say or do
Can change the way you feel today
Sometimes love just slips away 

I miss my friend...

I'm not sure if he will still be able to read this ( unless I decided one day to delete this entry)

..I just do miss him.

We have shared a good friendship together and for all those times I have been sincere with the care I showed him.

He is one person I am thankful I have come across in this world..

and will keep him forever in my heart.

I thank him for teaching me how to love unconditionally with out expecting my feelings to be reciprocated...not at all.

I am happy to have him as a dear friend and happy to love him in silence.

I am sooo happy and proud of what he has become...

I know I will miss him when the time comes that our priorities would ask us to be apart and that we shall live our lives separately...

well, just the thought of it makes me cry

but I know I shall embrace it when it comes

and be happy for whatever fate leads us...

just now...I already miss him

I want to live each day as a new day..

free from anxiety and skepticism.

I want to keep the hope in me...that things will fall on its right place

and that I will fit right in the puzzle of this so called life.

know I need not to please everybody...

but I want to touch people's lives in such a way that mem'ries of me

are thoughts that they would always love to remember.

...I want to live life as if I'm opening a gift every minute...

flabbergasted with the surprise it brings me

thankful for the grace...

generous to share.

I want to wake up each day as if I am bound to receive blessings the rest of the day...

 

They say life rewards our actions and minds....

...but how come bad things happen to good people?

Unfathomable

Life answers in the most profound and mysterious ways...

Admit it! We all get nutty when it comes to it once in our life. A lot of times what we say contradicts what we do. We become oblivious to foresee things that could make us falter down our knees and beg for the things we know would never even happen at all. We cling on with the illusion or fantasy that we have built ourselves.  We deny and we pretend just to cover up the misery but at the end of the day we cry our eyes out for desolation. We have experienced trying to heal the wounds which seem to only get worse every time we do so. We resort to isolation but seem to never even find ourselves. There are times when we thought we have gotten back but thought later that we are wrong. 

…But nevertheless, we get up whatever it costs us…we get back….we hope….we risk….and we try again.  That is what we are…that is what it is…. No matter how much we try to rationalize things we find no answers not even a clue.  No matter how much we try to control our feelings we end up giving in to it forgetting the reason…just being with the moment. 

That how it is…

We can only describe it….

…but can never explain why.

 

Find a person who will respect you not because of what you have achieved,

rather find someone who respects you because he believes that you are worthy of it.

Find a person who will accept you not because of what that person thinks you will become, rather find someone who accepts the real you.

Find a person who will love you not because of what you have,

rather find someone who will still love you even if you lose all that you have.

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


***This is one of my favorite verses in the Bible and has been very helpful to me, especially whenever I am in my weakest moment. This reminds me that God has nothing in store for me but goodness and happiness. Sometimes we need to taste sourness and bitterness for us to be able to appreciate and enjoy "sweetness". I must admit that whenever I encounter things that really test not only my strength and patience but my endurance as well, I cry and whine.
Now that I have, somehow, come to my sense, I am just taking it as an opportunity, rather than shame, to know myself further so that I know where I should start working on with my shortcomings. My faith, hope and the people who loves me, pushes me forward to grow as a person...especially at times when I fall short of maturity.
Sometimes there are really things that need to be prolonged...until we are ready and until we are responsible enough to take charge of it.
But certainly, God has a plan. And His plan may not be what we wanted on the onset but surely it is something that is good and better for us at the end.

Reading between the lines

"you don't say what is apparent"...said my friend when teased that she's so damn BIG!
Yeah...there are things need not to say as it is obvious.
makes me wonder now....what if what you perceive as "apparent" is not what it seems to be?
...and there goes taint of doubt and confusion sets in.
Our actions can either bring us to clarity...or "well" of endless darkness...
We sometimes assume and presume things as if we are "very" sure of it.
We base our conviction on the facts presented and perceived, not to mention our personal knowledge to stand a leg on what we "believe"...ONLY TO FIND OUT! we are WRONG!
Actions may deceive us...
Actions may fool us and make us feel all the more stupid!
Actions are not always reliable if these will be the "only" basis
.....Actions can hurt. Hurt us like hell.
Sometimes, we also need to hear what needs to be verbalized....we need to know what we oughta know.
But yeah...only those who are sure of what they feel can take a risk to say...
Only those who are sincere of their apologies can utter "im sorry"
Only those who feel an honest intention can disclose their feelings
...it takes more than courage, i think.
It takes respect for the other person...not to be left in cloud of doubt.

It is dangerous to really read between the lines. I'd rather be a mushroom...clueless and dense
than to feel frustrated and having this feeling of shame :(

Just a thought

Everything is a decision and a choice...
happiness is a state of mind.
While everyone is looking for profoundness...
sometimes the most senseless thing in life can make us happy..
it is not always those things that make you proud and make you famous that make you feel better about yourself...sometimes it is ironic, to figure out, that little things can make you love the life you have.
It is the fear of being "branded" as a failure, a loser, unwise or stupid that hinders us most of the time to pursue the very thing that can make us happy...
sometimes we should also consider...
it is not always what other people will say....
what will matter really is what we will tell ourselves after we have lost another opportunity...
(surely we do not want another missed chance...another what could have been...
another regret)

what ah?!

i remember a friend told me about a person who unconsciously or consciously snakes out everything and anything she wants.
i haven't gotten the right word to describe it...nor coin a word for the sake of it

but i think it is more like of insecurity...perhaps that person have the wrong notion that if she gets whatever other people want, she'll be step ahead of the others...and the idea of it gives her the sense of feeling up there or successful.

AMATEUR...I SAY TO MYSELF

You are not an expert in the field of playing games and leaving ripped hearts behind, out of satisfying egoistic and self-centered desires.
If you have hurt somebody else’s … you have a justifiable reason – it was probably merely unintentional and undesigned.
You maybe good in pampering yourself and spoiling your whims and caprices…but one thing’s for sure – you don’t do that at the expense of others.
You are more like a firefly too curious and silly to test yourself.
Flabbergasted with the bright light the fire produces.
TOO TRUSTING to the innate goodness that the fire has…
Deceived by the view of it,
Foolish to go near and too late to fly away
Most the time…a willing victim
You get hurt with your own stubbornness
You have struggled so many times to forget and get over.
Getting near the fire is but a moment to remember as this is where the trill domiciles and the unexplainable-strange-weird feeling dominates
But when the fire ends and the light fade away
Darkness seems to be a haunting mystery you wouldn’t want to unravel.
It echoes right through your heart…like a sound that irks the ear.
Its silence shouts louder than what you want to hear
And the “burns” pains like forever
When realization comes…other things begin
It is sad that in the process of what you think is best
You have to give up things that have almost been part of your being
Because trying to keep BOTH is like destroying EVERYTHING.
It is SAD…
But it is the CONSEQUENCE of it.
People come and go
And sometimes it seems like a PATTERN…
You don’t know how it begins…and you don’t know when it will end.
You ask questions…
But all you gather in the end is but the same answers, only in different ways….only from different people…
Just when you think you have learned the lessons pretty well
Fate puts you in a TEST.
Still you are the same firefly who has not learned that fire can kill you…
You have gone through the process of healing your wounds
Only to have it wounded again…
You are still the same stubborn person that you are
Unconscious about what can hurt you
Not vigilant against the potential heart breaker
You are still the same person who didn’t learn much from the past
And the same person who ends up asking “why?”, but couldn’t verbalize….

You should learn now…and put an end to the pattern.

"Used to think that the opposite of FEAR is BRAVERY. Now I have realized that the opposite is FAITH."
- this is not the verbatim, but I guess I kinda get the sense of it.
FAITH, indeed, pushes a person to overcome FEAR... fear of committing mistakes, fear of humiliation, fear of becoming helpless and useless, fear of being hurt, fear of hurting other people, fear of being frustrated...fear of fear itself. Regardless of how many "fear" that's creeping and eating you up if you have the sufficient faith to battle it, you will get through and you will surpass it.
It is like holding on to something you don't really see...but your guts and inner being are telling you that there is a sense in believing on it and your will follows despite everything else.

-it can really move mountains...

CATCHING UP WITH A MUSHROOM

She's left behind
amidst the chaos
she's left behind
clueless of what it seem
clueless of what could have been
clueless of what really is it...
coward to ask..."what was it?"
trying to pretend "okay"
replacing the words
diverting thoughts
faking emotions...
laughing at her foolishness
disappointed to the possible loss
convincing herself not to get mad
trying hard to be in control...

but end up clueless..still.

CLUELESS

CLUELESS ( klu- les ) ; tawag sa taong walang kaalam alam sa nangyayari at sa iniisip o sinasabi sa kanya ng ibang tao.

Left myself a hanging question...."where did i go wrong?"
certainly i am not doomed to be stupid person
i know that...
i may have done silly and foolish things....
but i know when to pick my mess
...and when to say "stop!"
But honestly..."where did I go wrong?"
maybe it's really not a guarantee to have given
kindness...
sometimes it's really not enough
or most of the time...not valued.

Grass

I guess the problem is within me...
or may be i'm just being true to what I feel...
I can not put a word in an empty mouth...same thing that I can not pretend that i feel something...just to fill up whatever is there that is needed to be filled.
I just don't see it in his eyes...
I've seen it once...and i haven't seen it after...
it's just there...
irreplaceable.
if i force myself to see it in some other's eyes...i know i will just fail myself.
...so i must stop.
there are things that can never be forced to happen...
the most beautiful things in life...are sometimes the things that happen for unexplainable reason...
and there lies the mystery...

my friends

I will always be forever grateful to have been blessed with such wonderful and true friends. They are but rarity in this world! Words aren't enough to describe...
I see more of God's love and compassion just thinking that I have them in my life.

God is good!

A former college schoolmate of mine was not regularized in the company she was working with...let's just name it Company ABC. Her contract got ended last December. Too bad because it was another case of "office politics". Prior to her joining Company ABC, she worked with a multinational softdrink company and was occupying a supervisorial position. Her credentials are more than fine as she holds masteral degree from a prestigious university. Attitude-wise I can not think of any negative thing about her as I think she can get along pretty well with anybody. So I don't think the problem is with her.
When I heard the news, I immediately gave her a call. I guess the trauma, stress and hatred are still there...but good thing is that she will have a new life and environment in this new year as she was able to get a new job...in a company which is also at par to Company ABC.
God is good. As they say...you can never put a good person down!
To her lead...life is but a wheel of fortune...you never really know when you get bankrupt!
Somebody will teach you ...someday.

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble,
it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.