workin' for a dream

it's hard to earn a living...and hard to keep a job.
if not for other people and my other priorities...i could have given up my work.
it's a sad and but ironic thing that sometimes " you have to sacrifice your priorities over the means to achieve that priority of yours"...
it's like you are settling for such consequence...so as not to give up your entire dream.
But who says that successful people didn't experience challenges towards achieving their dreams? I guess that makes a person successful. Despite the adversities they always end up winning...because they never give up achieving what they want...

Lexamorjuris

December is about to finish.
Looking at all my entries here I'm kinda' amaze to see that I have written so many...with sense and without...Random thoughts, impulsive and emotional outburst....or just killing the time at times.

I may be sounding like I am putting an end on my blog...
I must be lying or perhaps giving this "unknown" blog some sort of controversy- if I'd say "yes! this is the final entry!" coz that's the last thing I would do...well, except of course for highly exceptional cases. But for the meantime I don't see any reason of deleting this and starting a new one. It's not worth of anything.

Contrary to what I have anticipated...I had a great vacation!
Though I have welled my eyes from tears...the week ended harmonious.
Whatever the reason there is...my understanding and respect will always be there.
I will just wait for the time when he is ready to open up things ...and ready to ask for any help.
I am happy that I have spent my time wisely and happily...with my family and relatives.

I am now hard up! but I care less...long as I know I made other people happy.
This is one of the best christmas for me...despite other things that happened.

Pasko

Dalawang tulog nalang at pasko na. Hindi tulad ng bata ka pa highlighted ang pasko. Bagong damit, sapatos at maraming regalo. Isang pinakamasayang araw sa buong taon. Pero ganun ba talaga kapag tumatanda na? parang isang araw nalang ito na lilipas din. Magastos. Malungkot kung walang panggastos.
Life is harder now adays...I guess hindi lang ang mahihirap ang nakakaranas ng kahirapan. With the credit crunch and global crisis...kahit mayayaman, matatatag na kumpanya ay apektado. At kung mamalasmalasin ang ilan sa atin ay walang trabaho.
Kung minsan nakakakunsyensyang magreklamo na pagod ka sa trabaho...pero ang totoo yung ibang tao nagdadasal magkaroon kahit gaano kahirap.
There are even some who would take the risk just for a 50 or 100 bucks. Yes, may mga trabahong ganun lang ang kikitain matapos tumawid ng ilang lalawigan...matapos mong magbababad sa maduming tubig at maghanap ng mga magnet o bumiga ng espongha makuha lang ang mga naiwang langis ng barko o de-motor na bangka. Kung tutuusin sa ilan, pang-kape lang yun...pero sa karamihan dugo't pawis ang katapat noon para lang may makain sa hapag-kainan. Kung tayo ay mahilig magtira ng pagkain o magtapon ...may ibang naghahanap ng pagkain sa basura. May ibang minabuting itulog nalang ng sa gayun ay malimutan ng utak ang daing ng sikmura.
Totoong hindi naman kasalanan ng ilang ang kinahinatnan ng iba...masasabi ko din na ang ibang tao kung san man sila ngayon ay dahil pinaghirapan nila ang kung anung meron sila.
Masuwerte ang ilan. Pero sana kung isa ka sa masusuwerte na yun...sana hindi ka maging sidlihan nalamang ng biyaya...bagkus ay daluyan para maibahagi ito sa ilan.
...kahit man lang maliit na paraan.

Merry Christmas...

Happiness paid a visit....
again..with his nice but shy-like smile...
Surprised as I was....I immediately went to the printer side getting some print outs
as if not minding his sudden presence
He greeted my colleagues "Merry Christmas"
He walked his way towards me...meeting me halfway....
paused for a moment
all but timid smile...
He was mumbling something....
while I was absorbing everything...
I blew it again!....nothing came out my lips
unproductive of a conversation
Happiness....left the place

There was silence for a moment...then he totally disappeared
Then I heard my colleagues saying " ehem....wow naman tlaga!"
and they started singing songs for me...teasing me to death!


I was lost for a moment.
Absorbing that he indeed came back...after the lapses

Recap

Last night at Bj's house we had a recollection of what had happened bago pumasok ang 2008...at hanggang sa kasalukuyan.
Dec. 21 - Super badtrip at halos isumpa ako ni Benjamin hahaha....kahit hindi ako nakasama sa kanila sa Subic...ang presence ko ay parang andun lang kasi buong araw syang badtrip!....
ang controversial na tawag nya at ang sagot ko hahaha

March - The big fight! ang sigalot na nagtest ng friendship ng lahat. Ron vs. Leah ( and muntik ng ng lahat hahaha)
- to add...ang napakadramatic na pagpapaalam ni Ron hahaha thru text...with matching "no need to reply, this is a system generated message..."

April-Subic part two. Almost complete..except of course kay mama lei. Ang pag-ako ni Sheila na sya ang hindi nagbayad...ehem ayan ang nagagawa ng pag-ibig. hehehe
-ang linyang " by the way, wat's your name again?" na pinakawalan ni Ruby1
-ang mga kapalpakan na pinaggagawa na pagkain na ikinapikon ng may mga sala.
-ang mala serendipity-ing pagkakita sa Duty Free kay Jeremy.
-ang pagsama ni Jay sa barkada.

April-May - ang tragic na nangyari sa grades sa Busorg II

-ang biglaang panlilibre ni Elvin para lang magbati sila Ron at Mama Lei.

June-August - ang controversial na pier one. kung ito'y maalala mo kaya malamang ang title "payong" hahaha
-ang hindi makakalimutan pageskapo nila Ohnat at pagmamaneho ni Rina makalayo lang at makaiwas sa impending danger hahaha ng baril...na hindi namalayan nasa Makati na sila
-ang mga US marines

September - ang walang tulugang Barops

November - ang batangas outing...kung saan maraming guys ang naging daring. at kung saan may nabighani sa legs ni chang rina.
wala ako dun sayang! kasalukuyang nagtatrabaho...
at syempre hindi ko nakasama si Atty. B ...na after kung kamustahin...sabay sabi nila BJ na may kasamang girl at never na daw akong kakausapin dahil hindi ako sumama...tama bang mang-asar!
at marami pang ibang pangyayari...

In a nutshell...this year has been a lot peaceful (yep peaceful pa yan) and happy...
looking forward for the coming year....

Missing

" I hate to admit it...but I miss you!"

- ang taray di ba?....that's Ohnat's way of saying he misses me.


" Cel..miss na kita sobra." paused repeat 4x

-ang kulit...that's Lara's way

Gift

GIFT 1:

BJ:O kay Aira yan...para lang yan sa mga bata!
Me: hehehe gusto ko na ngang buksan...
BJ:Pag yan naamoy ko sa'yo ha!

**********
Aira: (reading To: Ira From: Tito BJ) I...R...A ay mali naman dapat A...I...R...A aira!


**********
Maldita tlaga!


GIFT 2

Ohnat nagreklamo sa natanggap na gift! hehehe....Magnet as against Tshirts for others...
Comment: Ang panget!
hahaha

Gift 3

Early in the morning...a text from Lara
Lara: Anung gusto mong gift?
Me: Boy? hehehe
Lara: (no reply...badtrip!)

Joahna's dream

I had a dream last night....and it was the same dream that Joahna had.
hahaha...perhaps I had too much of him last night or probably I had too much of dwelling on Joahna's dream....kaya hangang panagip ayan nabubuhay na naman ang pagasa (stupid hope).
Stupid talaga...alam na ngang hindi pwede at hindi mangyayari
well buti nalang at hindi siya nagbabasa ng blog ko kung hindi magfefeeling na naman...

Ok nalang he's just there...
I'm happy the way things are.

Sguro the worst thing that would ever happen...
ang malamang ikakasal sya....
I swear hindi ako aattend!

So, I guess...enough of Joahna's dream...and I shall need to focus on much bigger things
like what "he always reminds me to do" (I just couldn't imagine how things would be next year...with out him)

But I wish him so much Goodluck. My support will be there...100% as always.

Four years ago...

"...suffering occurs when we want other people to love us in the way we imagine we want to be loved, and not in the way that love should manifest itself - free and untrammeled, guiding us with its force and driving us on."


Friends, HE and SHE looking at a GIRL from a distance...

HE: You know SHE, the first time I saw her (GIRL) entered the room, I knew she's the one..
SHE: Really...

Ran out of words to say....

SHE (mumbled to herself) : That was the same thing I felt for you.... :(


********

Sometimes if love is so real...even if it hurts...even not compensated...it will stay
though unnoticed...
unknown...

though impossible...
for some reason it really stays.

...I never even tried to deny it now..coz I know I won't succeed.
I have tried before, but for some reason ...it's still here.
I'm contented to know that whatever happens...he will be there...
as my very dear friend.

Tie the knot

I was close to crying lastnight...
I tried my best to hold my tears....makeup would smudge
my bestfriend was laughing...

It was indeed such a wonderful night...

Hope my bestfriend Jo and Ad would be the next one :)

Joahna's Dream

My bestfriend had a dream the other day and she told me about it...
I told her.."It's impossible!"
yes, my reason dictates it is indeed impossible....
However, there's a 'lil voice in my heart praying that her dream would come true :(

It's a fact that I have accepted long time ago...
But I guess the hope will always be there...
waiting for any opportunity to grow...

Sometimes I admire it for not even given up
...inspite of everything that happened
and for which that didn't...

Exclaustration

"A release from religious vows to return to the secular world."

-answers.com

Sad Christmas

It's hard to celebrate christmas this year...considering what happened..
It's hard.
But I know God will help us get through...

All the more I want to finish my degree...I can not just cry and sympathize as I dwell on what happened
I need to do something...I need to be of help.

I know God really has his purpose.

I really pray Justice will be served.

Bakit nga ba?

Kung minsan bakit mas madali para sa ibang tao ang bigyan ng pansin at halaga ang taong hindi naman ganun ang pagtingin sa kanila...
at bakit mas mahirap ibigay ang parehong pagtingin sa taong lubos ang pagpapahalagang binibigay.
Naisasantabi ang mga taong andyan kapag kailangan mo..
ang mga taong lubos ang pagmamalasakit
ang mga taong palaging umuunawa
ang mga taong palaging nagbibigay
ang mga taong paulit ulit kang pinahahalagahan
kahit paulit ulit mo na lamang sinasaktan.
...ang pinakamasakit ay alam mong nakakasakit ka...ngunit pikit mata mo paring ginagawa.

Nakatingin ka sa punong nasa kabilang ilog...pero hindi mo man lang napansin ang punong nasa likod mo....
ang punong iyong sandalan kapag ika'y pagod
ang punong iyong sinisilungan kapag ang araw ay mataas
at ang langit ay umiiyak...
Pero ang mata mo ay patuloy na nangangarap na maakyat ang puno sa kabila
nangangarap na palaguin ito at tikman ang bunga
ngunit ni minsan...ang punong iyong abot kamay ay hindi mo man lang nagawang alagaan.
Mali bang maging mabait sa'yo?
Mali bang sundin ka at ibigay ang gusto mo?
Mali bang hindi ka saktan?
...kailangan bang lumayo...para masabing pinaghirapan?
kailangan ka din bang saktan?...para iyong pahalagahan?
ganon ba ang gusto mong pagkakaibigan?


....nakakapagod na lang kasi.

I just wish to attain my freedom again...
to freed myself from imprisonment of anxiety
I am no saint neither a martyr...my friend said, to ever think about other people
before even thinking of my own sake
but there's something keeping me to do that now...maybe for now
I just want to be my old "me"
Life is indeed a long journey of proving myself..not so to other people
but to by very own self!
I don't want to take it as a struggle
but a process.
When people have the notion that you can plant a tree
they will forever test your ability if you can really do so...
criticize you and your plants
and even your garden.
Some will try to think of every possibility just so to discourage you
and to condition you and other people who knows the same that you can not.
Then it becomes a battle between yourself and your inner being....not anymore against them.
They will try to kill the notion they once knew
and if you allow it to happen....they may even kill the true you.
And if they see that you are not discouraged...keep an eye on your garden.
I have always believe that everyone is good per se....
But now I have realized....some are compelled to do evil
not only by other people...but also by the struggle they have among themselves.
It is a choice to be the planter who is being criticize or the one that makes the criticism.
But we also have the choice to be neither....that is if we can have a great life despite the shit that other people is throwing on us.
...and to do so can only start within.

Bookworming

Another book of Paulo C. has inspired me.
Spending my lil' vacation would not be complete had I didn't read one of Paulo's masterpiece. I have been wanting to read " By the River Piedra I sat down and wept" just that I couldn't squeeze it in my jammed schedule.
Last Monday, since I was scheduled to buy gifts (for my "inaanaks", cousins, nieces and nephews, relatives, officemates, family and friends), I decided to drop at the nearby bookstore and grab a copy of said book. I was supposed to get 4 actually, including witch of portobello (not sure about the title,though), veronika decides to die and eleven minutes...but last minute I decided to get one as I was remembered that I could not afford to just spend my whole vacation reading books other than my law books as the prelim exam is already nearing.
(But nevertheless, later I'll buy Veronika decides to die and will try to squeeze it in my other sched..hehehe)
The book is generally about LOVE and SPIRITUAL LIFE ( based upon my appreciation).
It tackles one's faith about religion...vocation...mission...and love.
It is a story of the love that once lost and once found....
The two character in the story were childhood friends, both had dreams...and both pursued their dreams in different ways and means.
The guy wanted to travel the world and know more about the world...and so he left the place where he grew up....leaving Pilar (the girl) behind. Their love, concealed into friendship, survived through exchanges of letters. But soon the exchanges of letters had stopped and they both lived their lives seperately...not knowing that time has already passed by.
The guy went to a seminary.
Pilar, a student, wanting to get a job in state.
After 11 years, they met again.
After 11 years...they could not deny that the feelings have not changed.
Pilar, who had thought that she had convinced herself to stiffle whatever feelings she had for her friend....later realized she was wrong.
She could not be in love with the impossible...that's what she told herself.
She had waited for so long to have the love she has been longing for...a love that is possible. Whatever feelings she has for her friend could not be pursued.
The guy fought for the love he has for Pilar....he decided to go out the seminary and to live his life with Pilar.

It is a story of pursuing love and knowing how to pursue a deeper spiritual life....and a different way of serving God and others.
In dreaming there should be work...in working out our dreams along the way there are sacrifices.
Our life can not promise us all but happiness...
but one thing for sure...we are created for happiness.
It is up to us how to discover it and pursue it.

The one that just went away...
I guess, I just have to respect my friend.
For the reason there is
Though we're apart
Friendship will remain...

Happiness is a corner away.... and though that fact ticks me off, I'm just thinking he's just a smile away. Goodness I'm stuck with so much stuffs!

Vicious Cycle

"Ilang ulit ka bang kailangan magpaulit-ulit ng mga bagay na hindi mo naman gustong ulitin pa pero paulit-ulit mong kailangang pagdaanan para lang malaman na sana di mo na lang inulit?"

-Lex Juris, in great disappointment...

Fickle minded

I have changed my blog design (again) not because of the trauma I had to linger for quite few hours last friday as somebody used my account and posted nasty things at my site's expense. I just find it hard to utilize my blog with the new skin and I got scared that it would be prone again to said incident. Since my friend(who helped me out in uploading freeblogskin) mentioned before that my previous blog skin was okay...I decided to use this again. Since I only got the chance to blog when im here at the office it would be best to access this in a convenient way.

--> I'm explaining and hoping my friend won't get offended that I've changed it notwithstanding the effort exerted in helping me out.

Disconnected

When I signed in this afternoon I received a PM from Bj, my friend, saying "ANONG NANGYARI SAYO?"( yes in a capslock). He said that I haven't replied on his text messages. He texted me last Sat and Sun but I didn't make even a single reply. He further asked if I attended the class last Sat and Sun (I haven't seen my friend since last week). He said he's just worried coz I wasn't answering...
Bigla ko naman namiss ang ever dearest friend ko.
Sabi nila "version version" kaming dalawa...sa ayaw at sa gusto namin.
"He is my male version. I am his female version".
Though we hate it to admit...sometimes kahit kami natatawa at nagugulat nalang.
I remember one time, while caught in a traffic, out of the blue pareho kaming kumanta ng parehong lumang kanta...at pareho pa ng umpisa..parang alanganing gitna langaning chorus yung bigla nalang namin kinanta and sobrang natawa pati yung friend namin who was riding at the backseat.
Maraming beses pareho kami ng binibitawang salita...at sasabihin pa namin yan ng sabay na sabay.
Alam na alam namin kung pano galitin ang isa't isa. Alam na alam din kung pano uutuin (hehehe), basahin kung galit o nagiinarte lang ang isa't isa at marami pang iba.
Sinong hindi makakaalala sa Top Grill Scandal hehehe as in SCANDALo ng nabasag ang katahimikan ng lugar dahil sa sigawang naganap dahil sa "P*****a-thing". Un na ang una't huling punta ko dun. And after that also nobody (in our group) attempted to go there.
It's a blessing in disguise that he lose in the election the year after, otherwise hindi pa kami magbabati..hehehe
"What else is new?" sabi nga nila, kapag magkaaway kami.
Sabi nga nya tatlong tao lang daw ang nakakapagpainit ng ulo nya; Ron (our dear friend Ron), Bart (his childhood friend..the brown eyed Bart) and ako na daw ang panghuli.
Kung madalas man syang magwalk-out...malamang may nasabi or nagawa akong mali.
Ganun na din yun kapag bigla akong nagwalk-out.
In short pareho kaming madrama....frustrated artista--siya hehehe
Siya naman ang kaisaisang lalaking nagpapaiyak sa akin ng matindi...dahil sa sobrang inis at galit/tampo.
Months ata bago kami magbati.
First time kung madelete sa friendster...hehehe
Ako naman walang kasawa sawang i-block at i-delete sya sa phonebook ko at email list....but eventually binabalik din naman.
In short pareho kaming delete ng delete.
Mas mapride nga lang ang friend kong ito...kahit makipagbati ka na at kahit kausapin pa ng kung sino sino kapag ayaw...ayaw nya!
Every time nagkakabati kami binabawian ko nlang nang mga favorites nya...na never naman nyang shinare! i,e. fresh pastillas, chocolates! ang nakakainis nun pareho nga kami ng favorites...
In fairness, never naman syang nagstart ng away. Maarte lang talaga ako at matampuhin. (pero mas maarte sya!) and what's good about him he knows when to say sorry...at kung pano nya kunin ang loob mo.
Kung hindi kami magkaaway, basta magkasama kami...sure yan may kakaibang pangyayari.
Jinx daw ako sa buhay nya (siya din naman sa akin).
Hindi ko makakalimutan yung nabuhos sa kanya ang mainit na kape habang magkausap kami at nagdidrive sya.
Hindi ko makakalimutan na bababa nalang ako nabunggo pa kami.
At iba iba pang kapahamakan...
Kahit marami kaming similarities...marami din naman kaming pagkakaiba...siguro mas madami lang ang pareho.
Sabi nya bawas bawasan ko daw ang pagiging sweet...nakakaumay.
Hindi kasi sya yung tipo ng taong expressive. Aminado sya dun.
Ayaw na ayaw nya ang touchy!
Naaalibadbaran hehehe
Pero ok lang kung sya ang touchy or maglalambing...unfair di ba?
Pareho kaming nega basta may nalilink sa mga kaibigan...so unfortunately naapply nya sa akin yun.
Parang pakiramdam ko wala akong taste. Lahat na ata ng may connection sa akin nilait nya...especially yung taong gustong gusto ko (dati hehehe) ...mahihirapan kang pintasan yung tao kasi halos nasa kanya na lahat-lahat...pero nalalait pa din. At hindi na bago kapag nagkwento ako at pagkatapos nun ay may kasunod na pintas. Pero kapag alam nyang ayaw ko...kulang nalang ipagsiksikan nya (makapang-asar lang).
Kahit naman ako madalas nyang laitin...
Minsan lang sya nag advice regarding sa mga ganung bagay...pero yung minsan na yun forever ko nang hindi makakalimutan buong buhay ko...and it speaks so much kung gano nya ako pinahalagahan at gano ang value nya sa akin bilang kaibigan...bilang tao...bilang babae.
Kahit madalas pakiramdam ko he doesn't care...pakiramdam ko lang yun. I know he's one of the few people who genuinely cares for me...just that he is not that expressive. But action speaks louder than words...so okay na din. I am so blessed to have him in my life. To have a friend like bij.
Si bij ang isa sa mga taong pagkakatiwalaan mo. Isa sya siguro sa mga unang taong kokontakin ko in case of emergency...coz I know bukod sa reliable sya...gagawa talaga sya ng paraan.
Isa sya sa mga taong kahit pilit mong i-try to let go...hindi mo magagawa. Sabi nga sa isang pelikula..."You'll never make it!"
Mahirap mang iadmit...pero magiging malaking kawalan sya sa life ko.
Natutuwa ako kasi siguro as we mature...as our friendship grows and we became open to each other. May mga bagay na di kayang sabihin noon na kaya na ngayon...
Mga bagay na kapag sinabi hindi magiging dahilan para masira ang pagtingin sa isa't isa
bagkus...makapagpatibay ng tiwala, samahan at pagkakaibigan.
Kung anu man ang feelings ko for him...he knows that and he is aware of that.
Kung anu mang tanong na mayroon ang mga kaibigan namin lahat yun nasasagot naman.
Im happy about how the friendship grows...
I know lahat naman ng bagay may katapusan....lahat ng bagay at tao nawawala
But I also believe that there are things in this life that remain.
Kung anu man ang mawawala at anu man hindi...it's not for me to worry about.
It's better to enjoy each day...and capture the moments...and be thankful everyday for the blessings...including friends like him.
Marami pa kong gustong sabahin about sa friend kong ito...but i'm just reserving everything...

NICE BLOG

There's another one nice blog, which is interesting to read and follow.
I'm really convinced that the owner of this blog is one gifted soul...or someone meant to touch other's heart..

Just in case there's somebody else who reads my blog (aside from me hehehe), hope you'll take the time to go through this blog site: http://priesttales.blogspot.com/2008/11/good-or-bad-hard-to-say.html

Santa Claus

When I was a kid, I was told that there was really a Santa Claus. My sister and I would hang our socks at the window. On Christmas Eve, we would find that the two socks were already filled with chocolates and other stuffs. Then with a thankful and fascinated smile, we would later be convinced that there was really a true Santa Claus, one who rides in a sleigh with Rudolf and other reindeers, just like in any Christmas stories and movies. Then I would said a prayer for the gifts that I have received and would wish that next Christmas day, I would still receive presents from him. Every year, we would do our best to be the good girls that our parents hoped us to be and apart from that, I guess extra effort not to fight each other so that Santa would continue giving us gifts.

Years passed by and I figured out that it was only my father who puts the gifts in our socks. More years had passed and the Santa thing had stopped…. Well, but not the gift giving. It was expected that on Christmas Day we would receive presents from our parents, the one that we had wished, longed and I guess gained for the entire year.

As kids, we grew up in a simple home filled with love and compassion. Growing up as a kid, I become aware that helping is something one should be generous to offer. Sharing is a must. Giving should come from one’s heart. It is but a sin to be selfish. Sacrificing for love ones, is something not taught to us directly but one thing I’ve given a personal definition just by merely seeing and observing my parents.

Though we are not the type of family who would kiss and say “I love you” to each other, we were expressive in some other ways. Though we hardly say those words, I knew in my heart that it would be more than that if would be verbalized. When I was a kid, whenever my father was sick, I would go to the restroom and would cry and pray hard to God to make him well. I would even convince God that I would shoulder half of his sickness just to make him feel better…And I would do that every time..a simple way (and must say secret way) of paying them back from the goodness they have always and consistently shown. I am more than convinced that I will never find the same set of parents who would give the same love just like what they are giving us now…unconditional. I know I may lose everything that I have…but not the love my parents have for me.

They are the first ones who instilled the values that I have. They taught me how to love, to care, to help, to trust and trust for the second and many times. They are the ones who taught me how to forgive and not to nurse grudges. I have seen that in them for so many times and for so many people who have caused them unfairness and falseness. They never imposed us any thing. They never compelled us to do things in harmony of what they want. They never pushed us to things opposites our likes and dreams. They never told us to be someone who is not the “individual” that we have later discovered ourselves to be, but instead, they have accepted us… together with our strengths and shortcomings. They supported us in our dreams. They guided us in our quest. They constantly remind us the person that we are every time we lose our way. They never failed to instill God in our lives…the hope and the faith that they have, have served us great influence.

It is so much difficult to break their trust and do things that would give them pain, disgrace and disappointments. Must admit that I have attempted so many times, consciously/unconsciously, but whenever I am reminded with the love that they have shown and the sacrifice that they have done…it breaks my heart in to million pieces. I would rather let go of my self-centered pleasure than to see them miserably in pain. I don’t want to take the risk of being accepted after causing them aches. I would rather spare them from that. True, that It is so much difficult to hurt the person who gives you nothing but genuine love. It is like suicide or perhaps forever mental torture of so much guilt.

Now that I have grown so far from being a kid (and is growing still), I now understand the feeling when you know that the people you love and care for are happy. Happiness goes to me thousand folds. It is simply irreplaceable. Nothing compares with the sight and feeling that I am making them happy with the things I do and give. I used to dream for my own future, propelled by the support and encouragement of my parents. Now, my dreams are fuelled by the thought of giving them joy and pride. My dreams are a lot meaningful because these become also for them. Every day is like a Christmas Day…as if an opportunity to be a Santa Claus and makes so many children smile. It is as if my parents are the kids that my sister and I used to be when we were still kids…and “us” the Santa that they have been.

"Sacrifice becomes passion and passion becomes a means to make a person’s dream close to reality and a person’s heart happy."- I guess, this is also a "Santa Claus" way of living...

Chance

There’s no need to suppress,
And there’s no need to hold back.
I shall live for the moment,
For the moment will pass…
For the moment can never be repeated…
And will never come back.
Whatever it will brings to me,
I shall bear.
Whatever cost,
I shall pay.
Moment shall be cherished now
And not tomorrow…
Today is the moment.
And everyday is an opportunity to capture it.

LEX JURIS

How could other people GET SOME PLEASURE of using other's "known"name in such a way to create MALICIOUS FUN or simply INSENSITIVE FUN out of it, and thus causing confusion, damage or injury...to the owner?

I do not know whether these kinds of people are just simply UNAWARE, INSENSITIVE, BITTER or JUST FILLING UP THEIR EMPTINESS out of seeing other's shit or SIMPLY MESSING UP OTHER PEOPLE's rights, reputation, privacy and personhood.

"Acting" as a bull always eyeing for a red target....unfortunately, the "weak" or the "seemingly less weaker than they are"....for what? to convince themselves that " hey! in this area (of shitting) I am strong/great!"

I remember one person who once told me that " I choose my grounds"...at first I took it as very self-service statement....arrogantly flattering oneself. Now I realized there's wisdom on it. And to that person who once uttered it, my thanks, as it reminds me that I also must choose my grounds in dealing with people I choose to be in my life...and even those who- "not in my wildest dreams ever crossed to be part " of such, but consciously or unconsciously GETTING IN MY WAY!

"PIGS MESS WITH PIGS!" as they say...If you are not one of them...then rather stay away from the mud. But sometimes, and we know that, we can never choose the people whom we will bump into. Just don't start the war! but never step back on a fight...especially when the enemy has already started it. But just CHOOSE YOUR BATTLE WISELY so you will not end up stagnant in the mud.

People with different views, values, philosophies, principles, standards, way of living and BREEDING will always have INCONGRUITY.

I just wish that whatever DISPARITY I may have with other people ....I shall take it as something to augment my wisdom rather than to augment my enemies.

Drop our defenses

I figure out that sometimes, as we grow older the more things get complicated...the more life gets complicated.
It is as if happiness is just there...but never within our reach.
That sometimes...pleasing other people is tantamount to pleasing oneself.
compromising what we truly want and need..
Denying it -is being untrue...
Looking at one thing is seeing another thing,
as we are focus on our fears of losing than the grace of receiving...
We linger on the past that caused us misery...rather than dwelling on the emotion that is giving us hope...to be happy
We throw away the things that matter
...and keep the dangerous thing called - Pain.
Watch the children smile..watch them giggle and cry.
They are braver than us...
for they know how to drop their defenses...not afraid to be branded afraid or weak...
they cry when they are hurt
they laugh when they are happy...
But the adult doesn't know when to cry and when not to...
Because most of the time they fake their emotions
they mask their sadness
they mask their happiness
When good things come their way they don't know to see it as happiness or impending sorrow....
they worry too much about what will happen
when what will happen tomorrow can never be ascertained...
hence, they forget about the present
they forget to care
they forget to love
they forget to enjoy
...they forget the most important things in life
they spoil happiness...about to come their way
because they are so focused on their fears.

It is sad..but it is true.

Your Guardian Angel lyrics

When I see your smile,
Tears roll down my face.
I can't replace.
nd now that I'm strong,
I have figured out,
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul.
And I know I'll find deep inside me,
I can be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.
It's okay, It's okay,
It's okay-ay-ay-ay-ay.

Seasons are changing,
And waves are crashing,
And stars are falling all for us.
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter,
I can show you I'll be the one.

I will never let you fall.
I'll stand up with you forever.
I'll be there for you through it all.
Even if saving you sends me to heaven.

'Cause you're my, you're my, my-e-y-e-y,
My true love,
my whole heart.
Please don't throw that away.
'Cause I'm here... for you!
Please don't walk away and,
Please tell me you'll stay!

Use me as you will!
Pull my strings just for a thrill!
And I know I'll be okay,
Though my skies are turning grey!

I will never let you fall!
I'll stand up with you forever!
I'll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!

I will never let you fall!
I'll stand up with you forever!
I'll be there for you through it all,
Even if saving you sends me to heaven!

It's absurd not to eat just because we know we will only die later...

-Lex Juris

"But you don't burn the house if you just want to kill the ants!"
-Lex Juris, trying to grasp what seems to be unfathomable and absurd reason of someone...

"FRIENDSHIP or FRIENDSHIT?"
- Archie, in a casual conversation about dealing with friends.

COFFEE ADDICT

I have really turned into a certified coffee addict....

Kulang nalang dalhin ko na ang coffeemaker sa office..

Ginawa ko ng water ang brewed coffee...

at kulang nalang ganito:

CASE UNCLOSED

I just got a text message from Atty. Arizala, one of my favorite professors in Lawschool also a mentor and a friend that he will be appearing on tv(GMA's Case Unclosed) tomorrow night. I just hope I'll be able to catch that as I usually leave the office early.....early in the morning :(
I wasn't able to watch his guesting on SOCO. Hope this time around I'll be able to watch him in Case Unclosed featuring Vizconde Massacre.
***
Atty. Arizala is one of the Forensics (NBI) in the country. He finished his Medicine (yes he is a doctor) at the University of Sto. Tomas. He finished his Law degree at Arellano University School of Law. He teaches Legal Ethics and Legal Medicine in several Lawschools...San Beda College of Law, Ateneo University School of Law, PCU, Lyceum of the Philippines, and Arellano School of Law to name a few(a few?).

"RELATIONship or relationSHIT?"

First Judge

"The lawyer is the first judge who sits in a case.."

***a matter of wise decision in deciphering the story that the client brings to you and the real story you are dealing with.

Iyak ka lang

" Ok lang umiyak...hindi kabawasan sa matipuno mong pangangatawan"

Sabi ng isang kaibigan, "naaaliw nanaman ako kasi ikaw ang kausap ko...para kasing lahat pwedeng pag-usapan", habang sinasakyan ko ang mga "kagaguhan"....at habang tumatakbo sa kung saan saan ang usapan....Batid kong sa kabila ng pagpapanggap ng kasiyahan may nababalot na kalungkutan.
Ako'y isang kaibigan lamang...nan dito lang para sa isang kaibigan.
Alam kong mahirap ang kanyang pinagdadaanan...
Hindi madali..
Hindi madaling maging matapang at matibay sa kabila ng pagsubok sa buhay...
Lalo na kong batid mo sa sarili mong marami ka ring kahinaang patuloy na nilalagpasan.
Hindi madaling magpigil ng luha...lalo pa't ito'y pabagsak na.
Pero gaano man kahirap...gaano man kabigat kung minsan ay kakayanin mong pasanin para sa mga mahal sa buhay.
Sabi nga nya "wala akong karapatang sumuko"
Alam kong habang sinasabi nya ito...nasasaisip nya ang mga mahal sa buhay na kanyang pinahahalagahan...at ang isang pamilyang pilit na tinataguyod sa kabila ng mga pagsubok.
Madaling matawag na "tatay" pero hindi madaling "maging isang Ama"...
Ang kahinaan ay pilit mong lalagpasan kung ang kapalit nito'y kasiyahan at kapakanan ng mga taong iyong pinahahalagahan...at minamahal

Ngunit sa bandang huli...nananiwala akong lilingunin nya ang nalagpasan ng may pasasalamat.

Kaya mo yan...kapatid

tips?

"Basahin, intindihin..papasa"
"Read the provision...understand and you will pass"

-Atty. L

Baby stuffs

I had a hard time buying baby stuffs. Not only because I just dropped by the nearest mall and I only had an hour to do the shopping...but I really had a difficult time choosing.
Funny coz of being too fickle minded (getting and putting back whatever my hands get), I ended up messing the stuffs on the rack...hehehhe
bottles fell down...some were rolling when reached the ground ...other items were totally misplaced...while I was there, standing and wishing that not a single item would break...otherwise, I know I would go out the mall hard up! (because of paying those broken stuffs)...

Nevertheless, I think I made the best pick!
Everything from "precious moments"...
nice nice!!

Kinda excited! : )

one HAPPINESS...

After these things I don't know how it will go about...BUT I AM THANKFUL..
for the many reasons I just couldn't say...but I am.
I am indeed thankful.
The feeling is unexplainable...
I still wonder how ...
I still wonder why...
but I say a simple prayer of thanks...that finally the dim has ended.

It would be God's Will only on how the story would end...or should I say
how the story would continue.

I just like to pick up the lessons...
there's really nothing to throw away...
nothing to be bitter about.
I just would like to pick the lessons...
and end this with a smile : )

I am happy....that my efforts to bridge the friendship of my two friends is nearing to be reunited.
setting aside any other factor....
I humble myself
setting aside what others might say...
I humble myself..

I am wishing that before christmas this gift will push through...

and that would be one "HAPPINESS" for me.

for the spirit of christmas

It's a good feeling to have been "santa" for a day....
knowing that I would make someone happy...
it doesn't hurt to humble myself.

I'm glad I did it...
I'm glad that I have taken the courage...

see..if intentions are pure and clean...
it's always easy to do something which we thought difficult at first.

Merry Christmas!!!

Once a thing has been done....it can never be undone
once uttered there's no way to take it back
for Life is not a computer...
that with just a click it can bring back whatever it is before...
no it's not..
But life can be remedied...rectified
We can always do something...
to reconstruct whatever has been destroyed..

...and hope that it is never too late to do that.

-Lex Juris

"Cultivate your curiosity.
Keep it sharp and always working.
Consider curiosity your life preserver, your willingness to try something new.
Second, enlarge your enthusiasm to include the pursuit to excellence, following every task through to completion.
Third, make the law of averages work for you.
By budgeting your time more carefully than most people you can make more time available.
Does the combination of curiosity, enthusiasm, and the law of averages guarantee success?
Indeed it does not! ...
Success in the final analysis always involves luck or the element of chance.
Louis Pasteur grasped this well when he said that chance favors the prepared mind."

- John W. Hanley

"If you think that you can think about a thing, inextricably attached to something else, without thinking of the thing it is attached to, then you have a legal mind."

-Henry C. Blinn

why NIGHT and DAY should be not be together...

*** this is one of those children's stories I am intending to make...
I haven't started compiling, though and haven't started doing the drawings...

this one is still subject to some amendments....


I just like to share coz after (re)reading this...i remembered someone.

In the planet of LOVE lived NIGHT and DAY.
They used to be together and never leave each other’s side.
The other part of this planet was DARK,
While the other was BRIGHT.

On the part where DAY lives,
The trees grew in fullness,
The grass was green,
The flowers were blooming and
The fruits were abundantly beautiful to see and luscious to consume.

On the part where NIGHT lives,
The stars glistered like diamonds in the sky.
The moon was at peace with affectionate clouds.
The air was touching with calmness and
The water was in its serenity.

But when the planet of LOVE collided with the planet of HATE,
Both NIGHT and DAY were badly hurt and damaged.
They lose control.
Destruction came in.

On the part where DAY lives,
There was excessive brightness causing the animals’ blindness.
There was extreme heat causing the land to get dry and
Eventually, the trees, grass and flowers died.

On the part where NIGHT lives,
There was extreme darkness,
The stars and the moon were missing.
There was severe coldness and
The water had stopped to flow as it had turned in to ice.
The underwater creatures likewise died.

The goddess of LOVE shed tears with this sight.
She was lost for a moment.
She was broken, anxious, in pain and in deep sorrow.

Goddess of SACRIFICE came to rescue her friend LOVE,
She told NIGHT and DAY that they could not be together anymore in order to save the rest of the planet LOVE.

NIGHT and DAY sobbed in to tears upon hearing this as they do not want to be away from each other.
However, they know that they have to give up their personal happiness….
And so they let go of each other’s hand and obeyed goddess of SACRIFICE.


For now, they are working hard with the inspiration and hope that one day they will be back on each other’s side…and so they do their jobs very well.
They become contended on seeing each other when NIGHT ends his work and the DAY’S job has to start…or vice versa.
And so for every chance they have….they make it worthwhile…but they know that for now, until the planet of LOVE recovers, they have to follow what goddess of SACRIFICE asked them to do.

Soulmate is a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and/or compatibility. A related concept is that of the twin flame or twin soul – which is thought to be the ultimate soulmate, the one and only other half of one's soul, for which all souls are driven to find and join. However, not everyone who uses these terms intends them to carry such mystical connotations.

-wikipedia.


I think I've found mine....
Pero sayang sabi nila ang soul mate daw di nagkakatuluyan...

Cai, Cel, Lenny and Best friend Jo....where's Roche?Lara?Rizza?hmmm...

Sa Library...

Cel: Kuya Odie ang gwapo pala ni Atty. Villaseca
Odie: Naku! talaga naman oh (batanggeno accent)
Cel: Di nga...kamukha siya ni Cesar M.
Odie: Asus! Buti pa ang iba eh nasasabihan mong kamukha ng artista...paano naman kaming mga kaibigan mo eh
Cel: Ikaw naman...O di sge may kamukha ka din naman artista ah...
Odie: (gumapang ang smile sa mukha) Aba eh sinu naman bah ah?
Cel: Rudy F. (sa ngayon)...hehehehe O cge pano iwan ko muna gamit ko kain lang kami ni Jeremy.

"Eh kung ikaw nalang kaya tanggalin ko sa buhay ko! Para kang plema, balik ka ng balik"
-Bj

I have a feeling I will be called for tomorrow's recit....
I really wish to go home!

-Anxious!

face to face (part 2)

I have just read my previous entry "face to face"...
chills crawling down my spines today...as tomorrow I shall meet him face to face..
the bad thing is !!!!! I am not prepared!-YET!
I am now anxious....
thinking how could I squeeze time...
If only I could freeze it for a moment...then I'll take advantage!
I better read till I finish the whole thing later... "no sleeping!" that's a bitter consequence!

Being liked

Being liked gives a person a certain responsibility or obligation to become a better person. It is a privilege to be liked by someone as we can not please everyone.

I must say that I am lucky to be liked by kids.
(Nephews, nieces, "inaanaks", cousins, neighbors...and other kids in full context)
I would wake up with kids jumping around making some noise eager to see me getting up from my bed. One kid would turn on the light and another would shout at my ear....yeah they could be that mean :( but since they are kids, they can get away from my nags and sharp looks....just because they are kids.
If you live in our house, it's a "no-no" to wake me up in the middle of my deep sleep. Reason that is, I have only few hours to spend sleeping and those few hours are very much precious to me and is non-negotiable.

One time, I kidded Aira, saying I couldn't be her ninang in her "Kumpil(confirmation)" but instead I would be for her ate.
She cried and went out our house. We thought she's just going home but when my mother followed her...she was outside near a tree and crying. She didn't talk to me despite hours of negotiation (that I would buy her sponge bobs etc and etc) . After a while, she mumbled " hindi na kita gigisingin!" then she cried again..."hindi na kita ninang! ate na lang".
Then, I've realized that their "waking-me-up" must have meant so much to them that they won't do that to someone they don't like or care less. Translated in another word, "concern or care".
I was touched!
After few hours we were okay. Thereafter, I made them home-made and my version of "Starbucks Mocha Frappe". They were, again, engrossed with my must-have coffeemaker and starbucks house blend coffee and the way I put creams, milk, chocolate and sugar altogether.
They listen everytime I tell them to wait till three o'clock before they can drink it (even if it is past three). Soon they will be convinced to sleep. Once awaken they would race to open the ref and get the chilled coffee (which they called "ice cream").

It is nice to see how they get delighted whenever they see me in the house...because I usually went home late. They would shout and jump and would compete just to stay beside me as if they were irons and I am magnet. They would do things voluntarily or even without me asking...as if they were under my spell hehehe (such as getting this or that).
I remember they would always ask me when do will I have no "pasok" since maybe they notice that most of the time I had to go to work (my excuse) even weekends.

It is moving to hear from a kid while looking straight my eyes, with a shy smile, but with a sincere heart, saying " Thank you po kasi sinama mo kami".
I heard that twice in different incident from Maica, who obviously had fun during my treat.
I would normally promise them that I would take them out in this and that place on this and that date....and I would make time to do that promise whenever my schedule turns okay. (Because they say kids who used to get broken promises become Liars)
We normally tag them along when there is family outing or gathering...as if they are already part of our family. They would encircle the date in their calendar and count the days as it nears.
They would dress up nicely prepared and wake up earlier.

They are both addicted in staying in our house chit chatting and joking around with my parents.
The moment they wake up and after they came from school...and before they sleep they are in our house.

I would receive a call late at night(which I was not supposed to get as I normally don't accept calls in the house for some weird reason) either from anyone of them...just saying "goodnight" or asking the same questions they have asked few minutes before their father called them to go home.

When my shift was still 12pm-9pm, they would wait for me before they would sleep. I would hear thin pitch of shouting voice whenever I arrive and would see two kids jumping with big smiles and they would run hurriedly to me, thereafter.

It's a good feeling to know that aside from my pamangkins, these kids like me too.
Also, I somehow feel a certain sense of moral obligation to be a good example to them. I feel guilty whenever out of impulsive reactions, anger or uncontrolled emotions I show unpleasant attitude in front of them. I try to be conscious whenever kids are around to be extra careful with the words that I will use;to be careful on my facial expressions and tone of voice as I don't want them to look at it as okay or acceptable, knowing that they see me as someone to look up to.
Kids would sometimes mimic our styles and ways of speaking. They would mimic our expressions and eventually, without us knowing...they already have adapted our personalities and characters.
They say "Character is contagious".
It is good only if ours is worth catching.
It would be unfair for these kids if I would knowingly or unknowingly influence them with the things I should have discarded long before.

More than being liked, I guess it would be a lot nicer feeling to see how you have influenced those who look up to you to be a good and better individual.
Being liked..more than a privilege is an obligation. :)

EVIDENCE CLASS

I was so fascinated with my Evidence subject the other day. Setting aside the fact that I always have an admiration for trial lawyers because of the way they ask questions during the court processings/cross examination (which I think must be a gift enhanced with a certain degree of passion to the profession and of course "preparation"), my professor in said subject is really good.

I immediately remembered another professor who is, by the way, a successful trial lawyer...he once said during a court proceeding "Passion is the Hallmark of sincerity!" (with a loud tap of his closed-fist on the table). He uttered this when the presiding judge called his attention, which luckily the latter bought hehehe. Great! I think...at least there was a creative, if not better, explaination why he should not be in contempt. Being articulate and persuasive at the same time could really put one counsel a step far behind others.


My professor, who is a successful trial lawyer, possesses these skills and every time he speaks- it makes me wish to also possess that moderate tone of voice that he has...his articulate play words and his surprising, clever, deep and deceiving way of thinking and asking.
He shares that more than anything else..."preparation" really matters. More than the knowledge of the law there are other things which a trial lawyer must know....and that will set one apart from a non-lawyer. Everybody can just read and study the elements of a crime, of the new special laws, of codal provisions and of legal updates...but of course there are still "other" things that makes one different from the other...otherwise, everybody could just be a lawyer.

As the Rules of Court defines it, "It is a means sanctioned(of this rules), of ascertaining in a judicial proceedings the truth respecting a matter of fact".
I know I have to make good at this subject( as I think this is the heart of the profession). Our court is a passive court and thus status of a case depends on the pieces of evidence presented and admitted. The prosecution has the burden of proof to convict beyond reasonable doubt and in order to do that, the prosecution must establish the guilt, otherwise, the case could be dismissed. In establishing the guilt, evidence will of course play vital role whether it is a real, testimonial or documentary. It will really play an important role in ascertaining the truth. However, the court is concerned not on the "actual truth" but rather on the "legal truth"...at times a homicide could be a murder or vise versa.


Both of my professor's parents are lawyers and have bought the first and second edition of the set of books of Proof of Facts. When he became a lawyer he bought the third and the fourth edition. Said books are good references, such that it will tell one how to conduct a cross examination depending on the profession or other circumstances of a person/subject. Just for instance, how to make a widow (who is claiming for damages for the death of her spouse) laugh through the questions. How to ask someone who is good at this and that. How to ask someone who has attained higher education and one who hardly know how to read and write.
Quite interesting, right?

It made me now realized that I shouldn't stop "knowing" different kinds of people...of different area or field....of different status of life...of different gender or preferences. Knowing how one thinks, feels, acts and speaks is not only one way of developing one's personality but likewise one's profession.

I have come to accept that people will always have something to say about someone...about something and nobody escapes from that - not even the President, right?

In a big circle with a small dot, the dot always enjoys the attention.

People's opinion if taken seriously could be helpful in improving oneself...but once you have taken it beyond what you can just take, then it becomes dangerous.
Believe me, it can eat you...slowly but surely.

It is not that we shall become numb about criticism...just that we should accept that it is but part of everyones life. It's not ONLY you.
I guess, if you want to make a difference...try to manage it well. Without you compromising your identity and without you being a people pleaser.

Stay grounded.
Spend much time knowing yourself more than knowing others.
For if you know yourself...and you feel good about what you have come to know...
then nobody can just ruin you.

Being True..or Being Apathetic?

I came across a blog (of my former schoolmate...) and there's this one phrase, which although I forgot the verbatim, the message lingers to me and remains fresh in my mind.
She has always been someone I looked up to eversince we were schoolmate...I find her personality very strong, unpretentious, adventurous, sharp, grounded, witty and intelligent. I know she is not an "ordinary girl".
If I was a guy...she's the kind of lady I would want to pursue.

I happened to read few of her entries...
In one of her entries she wrote that in her pursuit to know herself she thought that - doing the things she wanted to do, saying things she wanted to say and acting without any consideration of other people is right and justified by being "TRUE" to oneself. But then, later in life she realized...IT IS NOT.

It struck me!
Yes...she has a point.
We are responsible not only with ourselves but likewise with other people. Our right to express ourselves (disregarding the rights, privacy, feelings of other people) is NOT ABSOLUTE.
Somewhere in between it should be restricted.
Once a word has been uttered...once something has been done it can neither be erased nor undone.
It's there already...the marks are there.
Our apology may ease it...but it shouldn't be an excuse. Otherwise, it could only be a vicious cycle - of saying sorry and doing what has been done for the second and nth time.

Let us not be apathetic...we are not living alone in this world.
More than our egos, pride and self-filling-up-those-emptiness...there are people who could be hurt, damaged, destroyed or affected along the way...

Bookmates

Joey and I are working on with a project.
It's basically a compilation of our writings; essays, poems, jokes, anecdotes and the likes. Hopefully by next year will be able to have it published. We still have yet to think of the title, though...but I'm quite excited as JJ is.
As JJ would say; " Oras na para gisingin ang artistic side"... :)
I'll try much as I can to squeeze this in my seemingly jampacked schedule...

BOTE

This year has been a lot meaningful to me, not only with the blessings that have been given, but also because I have found new good friends along the way....and one of them is Archie.

I never really thought that we would hit off as friends. Never in my mind it (ever) crossed that I would found a good friend in Chie. Hindi dahil sa Aries sya at Taurus ako hahahaha...(coz napakaseldom na may nakakasundo akong Aries for some reason which I myself do not understand as well)...well maybe because I just thought we were different in sooo many ways. But then, I thought wrong!!!
We may not be completely the same...but hey! in some point and for some reason we can relate to each other very WELL (...good or bad; weird or normal; sane or insane).

We were schoolmates since gradeschool (to highschool) but just to note-we were never classmates.
I remember that we never even had the chance to have even just a small talk through all those years....and yeah that's all I remember, aside from the fact that I never had any fond memories of my highschool or gradeschool years...really(with emphasis on that point).
I must admit that I was the geek type, if not someone who has her own world and doesn't want anybody to meddle with it...otherwise "sasamain talaga!"- especially boys!
Mataray...masungit...may sariling mundo - to perfectly describe it!
Well perhaps because I was going through a lot during those times...
Chie, on the other hand, belongs to a popular group that time.
Sila yung mga tipo ng student na palaging nakikita sa prefect of discipline...
yung mga nagcucutting classes..
tumatawid sa simbahan...para makatakas
nagtatago sa rooftop...at kung anu anung ginagawa
yung palaging laman ng mga "contest"....sayaw, laro or even Mr & Ms. Something....
yung puro ligaw at barkada at kalokohan....
(hahahaha...sobrang paninira na ito ah)

But I've realized...we have to know where everyone is coming from para makilala natin tlaga ang isang tao..
We have to atleast open their closet(with their permission at least) or just to know them personally...before we can even say A WORD about a person...
But come to think of it...we still have no right...to judge.
I bet no one wants to be judged as well..

Just to recall how it all started, us being friends, it's started with YM's technology.
Yeah chat! Then we met up over lunch with another friend (Roche).
Then we had a drinking spree after office.
and minsan mga one-on-one...
(Something I miss doing now!)

Chie, is one of the very few people who is not afraid to be himself.
Isa siya sa mga lalaking masasabi kong walang "pretention"...
He is not afraid to ask for help...he is not afraid to show his weaknesses...and I guess that's one true measure of being a "MAN"....and indeed I find it very COOL.
One thing I admire him is how he values his family....
He has a good and open relationship with his parents (unico ijo) and his own family.
He became a father at an early age but he didn't make it as an excuse not to be a good "Padre de Pamilya"...coz I tell you...He is a responsible one.
He remains to be a loyal husband....and a very loving father to his two beautiful kids.
alam kung maraming temptation itong kaibigan kung ito...(di natin masisisi may itsura eh!)
but one thing good about him...he knows how to handle such.
He knows his way "HOME"...literally and figuratively as he is not the type who would sacrifice it just for wordly or damn senseless reasons...and I really admire him for that.
He is not the "stereotype" kind....he may look like someone who will not do any good but hey! I dissent!...he is one gentleman and a true bro! One True Friend...
Masarap ibestfriend 'tong taong ito kasi he's not the type who would befriend you for some vested interest or selfish reason...papakisamahan ka nya...regardless of anything else.
He is very reliable...if he has nothing to give, he'll sure find a way to help you in your need.
Some would comment negative against him...but the hell I care. He is one friend worth keeping!
He's someone who can give you an insane advice...that will somehow make you sane (very oxymoron...but it's true!) ...may mga point sa mga pajoke na payo nya...
may mga sense sa akala mong walang kwentang ideas nya...
no sugar coating...
straight to the point...
blunt but true...
daring but mapapaisip ka...that's really a way to happiness...
simple yet practical...
This man is profound in some ways...
Rational on the other side.
One thing nice about him ay hindi sya nagsasawa sa pakikinig. He never get tired of his friend's whines and complains about everything and anything...kinig lang yan...and payo kit paulit ulit nalang kayo. He has that much patience, to begin with.
Magugulat ka nalang you're laughing in the middle of your conversation...kahit na nga ba nakamind set ka ng "emote mode".

In one way or another...I feel that he was God's way of helping me to get out from a certain situation, which I shouldn't be in to.
I feel that our meeting has a certain purpose...
Perhaps, Chie was just used by God as an instrument for me to learn a lesson - saving me from learning it the harder way...
I will never forget the time we were in Starbucks(that was few hours after we had lunch..on our first meeting after ten years) yung nagopen sya ng story nya...and I feel wow parang isang maingay na alarm clock na gumising sa aking pagkakatulog.
It's as if his story fitted what I was going through (some sort of dark clouds) that time....
Thereafter, I've realized ..."this is a clear message -what God wanted me to do".
and I'm proud of myself to have followed it...

I always believe that....everyone has their own stories to tell...and every story that each one has...is meant to move, if not teach, someone else's life.
and I guess, in someway...his story has in a way taught me something...


Time indeed is not a measure of a true, strong and lasting friendship...
and I've learned that further when I've met Chie.


Truly our friendship is way beyond cases of beer... :)

cai and tope

My friend, Cai, is getting married this coming Dec. 18 (2008). She'll arrive from Vienna at Dec. 6 ...and I guess, she'll leave in January.

I don't know that much about Cai and Tope's love story... all I know is that Tope is God's answer to Cai's prayer. Let me share one story (that I must say has inspired me much) that cai had told me before. Pardon me (Cai) for my own interpretation...

Cai was walking one day...heading towards her house. Tired and exhausted, probably from work...or probably from some other things.

Cai: "Lord, pagod na ko...sana naman dumating yung time may ibang tao naman ang mag-alaga sa akin...." ( I wonder if she was also sighing deeply).

But of course it's not like any fairytale story that a prince charming riding on a horse would suddenly cross her way or pop out the scene...

So how did she meet Tope? - First Time

Tope and Cai were highschool classmates before at San Isidro Catholic School. Tope was Cai's secret crush. Unknown to Cacai, Tope was likewise crushing on her...just that he couldn't make a move as Cai had a boyfriend that time (who happened to be Tope's friend).

Time flew and they had not heard from each other.

They travelled their own path.

So how did she meet Tope? - Second Time

Whenever I ask Cai about this, she doesn't seem to be shy about it and doesn't hide the fact that she somehow initiated the meeting. With the technology and the help of Friendster...they were able to find each other's hand.

She then invited (I guess that time Cai was testing her courage) him to attend at Riza's niece's Bday at Mcdo (imagine children's party).

...and so the rest is history.

Distance didn't hinder their relationship. Cai is in Vienna and Tope is here in the Philippines.

I guess what they have a great foundation...and that is they improved first their personal relationship with God...and THEIR relationship thereafter.

I am happy for Cai and Tope.

I am at peace that Cai and Tope ended up together...for I know they will take good care of each other.

.....to be continued

"But as he proceeds on his journey, he realizes that the people to whom he did not behave correctly always cross his path again. It is his chance to right the wrong he did them, and he always,unhesitatingly, seizes the chance ..." -Paulo Coelho, Warrior of Light.

You're my best friend's Lyrics...

Many people say true friendsare hard to findBut I know I'm not that kindThey come and go andsometimes leave us behindLike a wind that passes byChorus(Cause)When you need a friendThat you can dependYou can count on me becauseyou're my best friendWhen you're feeling downAnd your heart is hurtYou can call on me andi'll be there for you friendGood things may come and thenbad things may goLike a birth a long time agoYou're like the ship that's sailingacross the seaTo the waves that's so unkind...

LAST WILLS...at last!

There's so many things that I should be thankful about.
I had a vacation, may not be that grant but hey! at least I had.
I had the chance to visit a church few weeks ago....very good!
ENROLLED AKO! but of course!
claim it ...and you'll get it!
which means I don't have problems with anything...money, time and grades!
I was not supposed to enrol on the scheduled date as I went out of my budget last week and spent so much the other week thinking that the enrollment schedule would fall next week...I am such a mushroom! ( i have just learned this word...hehehe...which means "left in the dark". Pardon me if I am the only person who doesn't know this....can't blame me i'm such a MUSHROOM!well, at times)
going back... hehehe : )
so there...my friend lent me last tuesday through her mom (since she's out of the country).
I was not supposed to get the money as I was expecting my money would be credited on the same week (TRUE enough it came two days after I got the money from my friend's mom)...but her mom was kind enough (too kind) to insist that I should get it. I took it despite the fact that I didn't feel that comfortable...but I just didn't want her mom to feel bad of rejecting her help (who am I?)
I was crossing the street heading towards the school with heart almost on my throat.
I was as edgy as a "husband waiting outside the delivery room"...
But I held on the thought that if it's not really for me, then why would God make a way (even if I wasn't asking for it).
Time was running out....
it was a long line of students waiting for verdicts...
my number was 52(second batch).
I saw a former classmate and had a small talk with her....her number was 99 (first batch) and she was there the last day and went back that day as she wasn't able to make it until 2am (yes the enrollment lasted till that time...what a!)
Looking at all the students patiently waiting outside the dean's office....it made me feel depressed all the more.
I went near the glass window...
after five minutes...my name was called! (hehehe sometimes I really can be that damn lucky!)
I think my envelope was mistakenly put on top of someone else's ....whatever!? It's a blessing in disguise, nonetheless.
After I was evaluated...I enrolled right a way...with no sweat at all. No negotiation whatsoever....hehehe
Thank Goodness I passed WILLS as I can not afford to repeat it...not this time when my QPI and GWA are in great peril.
my grades are fine....and i'm happy about it. wheeeeewwww!

and so I must FACE this coming sem with so much courage and confidence.

face to face

dejavu?...nope! it isn't!
I must have gained so much courage from the past that deep inside me, without further convincing, Iam certain and ready to meet him....once again!
"hit me baby one more time!" as Britney Spear's song once wrongly inspired me (us)...
but definitely I shall NOT give him the LUXURY to hit me sooo badly..NEVER!!!!
I should have learned my lesson well...this time around.
And that is not to give other people the chance to take away the only thing I have
....HOPE, that is.
I sense everything is in my favor
...circumstances have never been this good to me
and I have the feeling I'm getting there...

BUT of course...I can not just rely MERELY on my senses
I still believe that fruits taste good when it came from a hard labor...
I have recouped and so there's no turning back, no hesitation
i'm just going forward.

different now..

When I look in to your eyes I can feel the coldness inside…
I can tell by the way you stare that so much has changed.
Too bad that after all the good times…
It has to end just like this.
But I guess…it’s a truth I am compelled to face and
Hopefully, sooner or later, I will learn to accept.

I have been trying to avoid thoughts that would lead me to you.
Thoughts that will bring back the memories of good times shared,
Of care once given and
Of the smiles and laughter once caused in each other’s life.
But there are really times that I miss you…and I can’t help myself not to dwell.
I miss being with you - being with the OLD you.

It is sad that all this time it still makes me cry
Knowing that it wouldn’t be like it was before…
That no matter how much I try…
It just couldn’t be like it was…

Although letting-you-go is something I have conditioned my self long time ago,
I would be lying if I say “it has been easy now”…because it is not.
But it is something I know…I’ll learn to do and time will help me…I believe so.

I would like to think it is better off this way.
I know you can not give what you think I deserve…
But just so you’d know…I never really expected anything
Even from the beginning…
Everything I have felt…I have felt that without any condition whatsoever.
Everything that I did…I have done out of the intention to make you happy.
No other reason…but to even somehow touch your heart and keep it away from pain.

If there were times I’ve acted out of where I should only stand…
If there were times that I’ve said words I should not have…
If there were times I’ve tested your patience, understanding and sanity…
If there were times I’ve caused chaos in your tranquility…
If there were times I’ve caused aches…intentional and unintentional
…I am deeply sorry.

I am no longer hoping for anything…
If anything good happens
It will happen…perhaps for a reason
But I will neither do something nor push things…
…I just want to move forward.


Life is short to hurt the ones important to us…
The world is small to burn any bridges…
I am happy that I have come to know someone like you.
Years may pass…
And though things have changed a lot…
Something will always remain…no matter what.

as much I wanted to be so optimistic nowadays, I couldn't help but to be such a "nega" everytime my day/night ends without seeing him.
that's the problem with me...whenever i'm becoming too attached...
whenever i get so elated and happy about an act done by someone so dear i have this tendency to be so "expecting"...and when i get the perks to achieve it more than the times i had expected it to be...it becomes a habit...hard to take away or break
the problem is- it's hard to fall in love with a dream and a habit....because it's so addicting
and frustrating at the same time...if it didn't turn out the way you expected it.

i don't want to think that this is another sad story...almost just started yet has to end.

i'll just trust the good times...
and hopefully it will turn out the way that can make me smile....

i've just learned that sometimes the person that intimidates us...sends spooky chills to our spines....
feels the same way...one way or another
to other person...who probably feels the same way
towards other...
and so the saga begins...

we just have to dig deeper.... look further
to understand each and everyone...whom sometimes we think "mean, ruthless and impossible!"

at times, we have to know where they're coming from...in order to understand them and their actions towards us.

because for all we know...they too have wounds to heal...

******

reading her blog made me weep in silence...
i didnt know she's that easy to invest emotions...
i didnt know she's that easy to trust
..to consider someone as friend...
i didn't know she's been through a lot of "letting-go" in the past..
i didn't know that she's that damn attached...

...now i understand why

she's not at all what I had pictured her to be...
it's not enough to judge her just because she has hurt me...or some other people

Bike

Last Saturday my family went to Pink Sister's Church at Tagaytay. With us, are two kids(relatives), a neighbor(also a kid) and my sister's friend. The said church is quite famous for the prayers/petitions that devotees would write in a piece of paper( which is provided by the church) and drop in a petition box. These prayers or wishes would then be prayed by the pink sisters. Since Aira is just 5 years old, she could not write yet so I asked her to ask her ninang (my sister) to write down her wishes, since at that time I was concentrating on mine.

So she went to her ninang and said, " Ninang sulat mo ko".
My sister got a paper and a pen to write down the wish of her inaanak.
Then my sister asked her what was her wish or prayer to God.
Aira said instantaneously," Gusto ko ng bike na pink, bibigay ng ninang ko sa pasko".
and even reminded her "lagay mo pangalan ko ha" ( as if God would be confused and might give the bike to other kids)
Then my sister laughed ( tamang parinig daw sa kanya yun)....but nonetheless, wrote exactly what Aira had said.

When my sister was telling this anecdote...it made me realized how specific and simple child's wish could be.

Kid's life is simple. Kids ask exactly what they want and are happy when they get it. They cry when they are hurt. They laugh when they are happy. They know that it is bad to lie. They appreciate things and get satisfied easily. It is easier to motivate and encourage them. They hug or kiss you when they like or love you...and they mean it. They are afraid to disobey. They fight with their friends but make peace and forgive easily. They don't nurse grudges. They don't let pride get in the way. It is easier for them to say "i love you", "i like that!", "i don't like that!", and "I'm sorry". They don't complicate things. They are happy despite anything else that is happening.

How simple yet peaceful.

So I then told Aira...her wish will come true. God will give that bike.
She was happy and contended. She's holding on with that promise...with so much confidence that her wish will come true.

Let me share a paragraph from the book of Osho…

“Never carry things on from the past – the past is gone. Every moment be rid of it, solved or unsolved. Now nothing can be done about it. Drop it – and don’t carry parts because those parts won’t allow you to solve new problems that live in the moment. Live this moment as totally as possible, and suddenly you will come to realize that if you live it totally, it is solved. There is no need to solve it. Life is not a problem to be solved - it is a mystery to be lived. If you live it totally it is solved, and you come out of it beautiful, enriched, with new treasures of your being opened and nothing hanging around you. Then you move in another moment with that freshness, with this totality, intensity, so that another moment is lived and solved.”

I find this philosophy of Osho very sensible and practical approach in life. There is really sense in traveling light. We don’t have to accumulate clutter in our lives. Take away pain, anger, regrets and bitterness in our lives and will emerge as a free human being able to feel the inexplicable and amusing flow of life.
It sounds quite easy…but must admit that it may be hard for some. However, it will even be a lot difficult if we will not free ourselves from the misery of imprisoning it with emotions that are slowly consuming our lives….us.
Life itself is unfathomable…and its being such makes things a lot exciting and challenging. There are instances in our lives that we are compelled to act as our inaction would lead us to a place we would not like to be at. But there are also instances that our understanding, acceptance and wise realization are necessary enough more than anything else.
There are things beyond our control that no matter how much we want things to happen our way…sometimes it just can’t. Same goes that there are things that happen even if it is against our will. Surprisingly yet true, that sometimes the best thing to do is just to accept it. Acceptance is the first step towards achieving an uncomplicated life. Moving on is a wise decision. Forgiving or letting go is that which will set you apart from anybody else.

God has his ways of touching ourlives...we may not even know when or how it will happen...but it will happen...at the right time, when wounds are healed and the heart has moved on from the pain and now ready to forgive.
Somehow will just realise that we are not only picking ourselves after what happened...but we are also picking lesson or perhaps wisdom...and there we are looking at the road without any regrets of going back. There is peace and there is happiness only if we let God do his ways.

Random thoughts - oh well

Two more exams to hurdle and I can finally have my grand vacation with a friend....-oh well
Just had my exam...morning and afternoon. Such is Tax day! - oh well
When I received the booklet I prayed silently. When I opened it..it caused me headache. I was close to shouting. - oh well
I slept at around 4am this morning and woke up at 6am. Two hours of sleep.. - oh well
Lately I have been experiencing "bangungot" ...I don't know what it is called but the feeling is like a spirit is dragging you from somewhere or it's either my spirit getting out from my body. Spooky! I could hardly breathe. Then I would struggle and tried to shout and pray and control my movements to make myself awake. Then I would wake up tried/wasted as if I didn't sleep at all. It's alarming that sometimes I have this fear of sleeping...that I might not wake up the next morning. Well, I've noticed that it usually happens when I'd sleep extremely late (almost dawn) after marathon reading. Probably my mind is just too tired and exhausted from work to school stuffs. Think I badly need some rest - oh well
My zits are slowly fading... but the marks are freakingly annoying - oh well
"Never expect from a friend..you'll just get frustrated"...this has been running in my mind from time to time. Somebody said this to me as an unsolicited advice...someone I treasure...someone special but lately I've been trying to outgrew...I don't know why, but may be I should learn to live my life with out him. But he will always be special and dear. Nobody can replace him. But I just want to give myself a break. - oh well
It's great to be reunited with friends I have missed to be with... It's always a great feeling to know that I have lots of "them" in my life. - oh well
Cup of coffee is addicting. I don't know how it happened but I used to be a milk monster...I could replace water with milk(well, not because of the milk scare...)...but coffee nowadays is a must! - oh well
laid back? - oh well
Weather in the office has changed a lot... - oh well
How can I not smile if my A**y*on* gives me reason to? My ate describes him as "cuteness"-oh well
...and there's HAPPINESS who never fails to brighten up my day...gives me reason to enjoy overtimes hehehe -oh well
Such is life! despite the nasty rumor...i still can't convince myself to whine about it...after all it isn't true... Why would I ruin something that is okay just because of some nasty thing? - oh well
If someone's bothering me...or my thoughts... or my world....I just simply delete the person's contact in my cellphone or YM. - oh well
I can only handle so much stress in life...there are more important things. - oh well
I have learned to value friends...and life has taught me the process of elimination. - oh well
Spending time in the house is not being detained sacrificing freedom...nowadays it has been very comforting - oh well
Kids in the house (?) have been addictive to me...I think same goes with me, I have been addictive to them especially aira - oh well
I would love to spend a vacation with Roche. We've been planning to go out of town and hopefully it will push though.. - oh well
There are many fish in the sea...but have no time to catch them. I'd rather sleep - oh well
I am just enjoying sailing till the fish jumps into my boat ... hehehe hope it is possible. - oh well
Sometimes I feel "information overload"...sometimes I feel "there's nothing inside my head"...quite an oxymoron! - oh well
I can only sighhh after a nerve wrecking exams - oh well
I wish I have all the time to study!!!!! Genie that's my wish@!!! - oh well
My long lost friend asked me..."Hindi ka ba napapagod?" - oh well
A relative once said "itigil na yang pag-aaral na yan"...and another asked "kailan pa ba yan matatapos?" ...I'd rather zip my mouth so as not to let some fiery words to come out - oh well
I just love kathleen's comment which unfortunately I couldn't post in my friendster account...It makes me miss her. My warfreak friend - oh well
Cacai is getting married this December 18....we're all excited! - oh well
It's refreshing to hang out with Lara, Carlo, Roche, BesprenJo.....I so miss my friends!!!! - oh well I shall include in my vacation's "to do list" visiting of churches I have never been to before. After midterms I failed to visit St. Therese as I am not familiar with QC...but I ended up at St. Jude. Now I intend to go farther...probably in Manaoag... - oh well
But I must pass the finals....BIG TIME - oh well
I'm hard up! after paying my tuition this morning...huhuhu I wonder how to survive the weeks...it was not a pleasant surprise actually. Next time I will really make it a point to check my balance...and never let it accumulates. Such is life! - oh well
I am sleepy! - oh well

my friend said that in order to succeed in the profession we are currently pursuing we need to set aside our emotions...what we need is determination and discpline- and I think he is right.

God fortify me to go on...bless me with wisdom to understand my purpose.
Inspire me with your words...comfort me with your love and compassion.
Give me courage to continue despite the impending storm..
Help me to be a person like you are...

"It is when what you have is not enough to cover your needs but you still choose to give it away for others whom you think need it the most...-I guess is the ultimate measure of one's bounty."

Benefits from coffee

Since 2004, I have been very dependent in drinking coffee- once, twice or even more than to start my day or somehow boost my energy during day and night in which I am compelled to be awake.
In my lifestyle it is inevitable not to stay late at night and I find drinking coffee very reliable to help me do my other stuffs. It makes me at peace to know that drinking coffee has indeed a lot benefits to one's health and has erased my notion that coffee is no good at all. I have read that coffee has a lot of perks in our health which is good to know especially that I will find it difficult to chunk it out my system.
According to a spate of recent studies moderate coffee drinking may lower the risk of colon cancer, gallstones, and cirrhosis of the liver. Coffee has been linked to reducing the incidence of Diabetes, and has recently been touted as being high in antioxidants as well. Studies also shows that coffee is no.1 source of Antioxidants. Antioxidants are substances or nutrients in foods that can prevent or slow oxidative damage to our body. When our cells utilize oxygen, they naturally produce free radicals which can cause damage to other cells. Antioxidants act as "free radical scavengers" and hence prevent and repair damage inflicted by these free radicals. The evidence is strong that regular coffee consumption reduces the risk of Parkinson's disease and that benefit is directly related to the caffeine. Scientists at the University of Liverpool have found how coffee can reduce the risk of alcohol-induced pancreatitis.
Pancreatitis is a condition in which the pancreas becomes inflamed, causing severe abdominal pain. It is often triggered by alcohol consumption which causes digestive enzymes to digest part of the pancreas. Some research also shows that the compound ‘caffeine’ present in the coffee is considered to be a mind acceleration mood booster which increases the mental performance. The compound caffeine stimulates the attention span, reaction time, concentration and acuity with numbers. Even a small amount of caffeine, about 32 mg in a five ounce cup of coffee can give you a large amount of energy and mental boost. Caffeine can actually move to your brain within 25 to 30 minutes and lasts unto six hours. I have visited a site and read that Caffeine is often added to pain medications because it improves their absorption and increases their pain killing effect. A caffeine in a strong cup of coffee can help relieve a migraine or even end it if consumed in the very early stage of a headache. It is known that substances that dilate blood vessels, like alcohol, can cause vascular headaches. Substances that constrict blood vessels, like caffeine, can help counter the painful effects of blood vessel dilation in the head.

***So enjoy a cup of coffee everyday!